Shahnaaz Khan has completed her Masters in Conflict Analysis and Peace Building from Jamia Millia Islamia, New Delhi. She wishes to continue delving into relationships, be they be intergroup or interpersonal. Writing helps her understand people better, to empathise, and to value dialogue and discussion above all else.

 
 

Stories by Shahnaaz Khan

What Men want in Bed | Bonobology

What men want in the bedroom

Shahnaaz Khan
Shahnaaz Khan
Posted on : 27 Jan 2017

Eminent sexologist Dr Paras Shah gives some insight into the differences between how men and women view and approach sex

Views: 5.24k
Comments: 1
In love with a married woman | Bonobology

In love with a married woman

Shahnaaz Khan
Shahnaaz Khan
Posted on : 29 Dec 2016

It's been over six months. A sub reality where notions of right and wrong are bent

Views: 50.37k
Comments: 4
Husband

When my reluctant husband became my biggest supporter

Shahnaaz Khan
Shahnaaz Khan
Posted on : 21 Nov 2016

When she married, Prathibha Agarwal’s husband didn’t understand her motivation to work. After several years of marriage, things changed and ...

Views: 3.85k
Comments: 0
Stand By Me As I Am Grieving A Relationship, My Love | Bonobology

Will you wait for me as I cope with losing my mother?

Shahnaaz Khan
Shahnaaz Khan
Posted on : 20 Nov 2016

Coping with grief after a loss, Shahnaaz Khan writes to her partner asking for his understanding

Views: 972
Comments: 1
Love Story of a Digital Romance | Bonobology

The 'novel' real-life romance of Sudeep Nagarkar

Shahnaaz Khan
Shahnaaz Khan
Posted on : 19 Nov 2016

On the eve of their wedding, romance writer Sudeep Nagarkar relates his own real-life romance with the woman of his dreams

Views: 2.05k
Comments: 0

 

Discussions by Shahnaaz Khan

How do I start to think of my husband's income as our income?

I was working for more than seven years before getting married and moving countries. I had to quit my job in the process and have no earnings of my ow ... Read More


Should I play mediator for my friend's in their relationship problem?

My best friend recently shared some relationship trouble she's been having with her boyfriend of two years. Her boyfriend also wants to meet me alone ... Read More



Activity by Shahnaaz Khan

Shahnaaz Khan

Shahnaaz Khan Commented

22 Feb 2017

Comment : There needn't be a hard and fast rule. I do always offer to pay on the first date, but the guy refuses. So if there's a second date I pick the place and take the cheque. This way we can see what the other person likes and pay according to our budget.

We've all been on atleast one date. And it was probably a coffee shop or dine out or movie or something. Traditional 'dating rules' say the guy must bear the damages. But with changing times, is this rule changing too?

It's just a bill - not about life and death - but people do judge and what we do in certain situations can give out signals.

What do you think? What did / would you do?


Shahnaaz Khan

Shahnaaz Khan Commented

22 Feb 2017

Comment : Contributions in any relationship are not quantifiable. But if any comparison is made between the two people involved, it is important to keep in mind how much each could contribute. A non working partner cannot contribute equally financially, but may be able to give more time to the children or home. Or if one partner has an ailing parent they need to care for, they may not be able to take out much time for the relationship. So it's not just about how much you bring, but how much does it take from what you have.

Ideally, a marriage is about equality in everything. But rarely does it turn out to be so in the real life. When one partner contributes more to the marital bond and takes less credit for its success, does it spell disaster or start a new era of happy accommodation?


Shahnaaz Khan

Shahnaaz Khan Commented

19 Oct 2016

Comment : The best way to answer your question is for you two to speak in your vernaculars. You can make it interesting by challenging to see who will learn it first. Maybe talk in his mother tongue one week, and in yours the next week. And let us know if your communication did improve:)

So my husband and I have different languages as our mother tongues so we resort to communicating in English or Hindi. While I know his language and speak it decently, we are not used to talking in it. Sometimes it feels like it hampers the expression of feelings, or connection at some level in some contexts.

Is it just me or does it make a difference if you have the same native language? And how does one get around this?


Shahnaaz Khan

Shahnaaz Khan Commented

17 Oct 2016

Comment : May not always know. That's where communication comes in. Don't expect your spouse to guess if and why you are unhappy. Share your feelings with each other. Every relationship has its ups and downs. How one handles those is important

Men or women who go through a mid life crisis have many symptoms. But it differs from person to person. The timing differs. Someone would have it at 45, someone else at 33. The type of crisis differs. Someone would want sex. Someone else affairs. But behaviour changes. So does a relationship in the marriage. So, do you know? If not, we can discuss here.


Shahnaaz Khan

Shahnaaz Khan Commented

17 Oct 2016

Comment : Find someone that grows with you and helps you grow

It's not easy, but also not impossible as the many monogamous happy couples will tell you :)

Don't we change all through out life? Every 3-4 years we can't believe what we were 3 years back. We are smarter. Our dreams have changed. etc. If such is life and such is the way in which we change constantly throughout life, is monogamy - the act of holding on to one partner - really logical?

You were attracted to a person during a point in your life. You spent a lot of time together. You two know everything about each other and you see that you both are headed down different paths. In such a situation, does it make sense to continue with the old relationship or is it wiser to seek out a new partner who you will relate to better? Who will help you grow?



Disclaimer: The information, views, and opinions expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of Bonobology.

Copyright © 2017 - www.bonobology.com All Rights Reserved Sitemap