RamKumar is a mechanical engineer from Chennai, working in the automobile industry. He is interested in contemporary literature and translations between English and Tamil.

friendship

dishonesty

 
 

Stories by Ram Kumar Ramaswamy

She earned more than him

Salary matters

Ram Kumar Ramaswamy
Ram Kumar Ramaswamy
Posted on : 19 Apr 2017

They came to a divorce lawyer within days of their wedding

Views: 1.25k
Comments: 0
How the Loss of our Cat brought us closer as a Couple | Bonobology.com

The cat that brought us closer

Ram Kumar Ramaswamy
Ram Kumar Ramaswamy
Posted on : 28 Mar 2017

The kitten they fostered brought them closer together, but then

Views: 716
Comments: 0
Burning bridges in relationships and Moving on after Break Up | Bonobology.com

The importance of burning bridges after a breakup

Ram Kumar Ramaswamy
Ram Kumar Ramaswamy
Posted on : 23 Jun 2016

How important is it to burn your bridges when a romance dies out? Our contributor shares his story

Views: 1.65k
Comments: 1
Physical Intimacy and Long Distance Relationship | Bonobology.com

Seven years of bliss until one unfortunate visit

Ram Kumar Ramaswamy
Ram Kumar Ramaswamy
Posted on : 23 May 2016

Ram KR writes passionately about a love gone wrong. Read more to find out!

Views: 1.52k
Comments: 2

 

Activity by Ram Kumar Ramaswamy

Ram Kumar Ramaswamy

Ram Kumar Ramaswamy Commented

26 May 2017

Comment :

Confront him, and ask with patience. In total privacy. Tell him you need to talk, and then sit down - so that he understands the seriousness and context. Never shout before him, or others, nor go to any wrong conclusions without confirming it from him first. Also, avoid talking to your friends or family before you know that something is wrong, by confirming it with him. Never snoop. Do not ever try to read his messages secretively, or try stalking him online, or hacking into his accounts. As they say, your instinct as a woman would be proof enough to warrant an interrogation. Talk to him. Sit down, and ask eye-to-eye. If there is no affair, he will shoot back, and then you can tell him what made you doubt so. If you do not handle this effectively as suggested above, you not only end up risking his alienation (and hiding his tracks better), would also lead to unwanted embarrassment and gossips at your expense. Treat everything within four walls, and you are fine. Hope this helps. Cheers!

How do I know if my husband is having an affair? I don't think it is physical but he has stopped sharing with me, is always on the phone? Is there any foolproof way to know the signs of an emotional affair. I don't want to confront him with no proof and have him feel I don't trust him.


Ram Kumar Ramaswamy

Ram Kumar Ramaswamy Commented

24 May 2017

Comment :

No. Unfair to leverage it. It should be spontaneous. If that doesn't happen, do not force it.

Is it fair to use sex as leverage in a relationship? Sex by many is considered intrinsic to a romantic relationship and it is advised to keep marital problems out of the bedroom. But if one is hurt then being intimate with the person who hurt you would be tough. Would it be wrong to say no to sex then? What about using sex as a leverage to get one's partner to change their behaviour?


Ram Kumar Ramaswamy

Ram Kumar Ramaswamy Commented

24 May 2017

Comment :

Respect is respecting one's space, desires, and preferences, and not force anything upon them. Basically let them remain themselves. 

whenever I have asked any female friend of mine what she is looking for in a man, she says 'someone who respects me'. How do we judge respect in a relationship? What do women want when they say that? Apart from the obvious of not being a chauvinist pig? :)


Ram Kumar Ramaswamy

Ram Kumar Ramaswamy Commented

22 May 2017

Comment :

It is indeed true. Patriarchy is so hard on the average Indian man, who constantly has to adjust between the long-held traditions, virtues of looking after and obeying his parents, and the new age woman, who demands things in a clear way. I have had my fair share of mistakes, where I have either fought with my mom for my wife, and worse, fought with wife for my parents. I would say, fight for neither side, and just lend an ear to them whenever they want to talk about each other (in private of course). Amplify the good you see in either side and tell the other, and hide the accusations and bury them. It is difficult, but there are ways out to tactically deal with mom and wife and be the man always. Never raise your voice, nor utter harsh words. Silence may help. And so will coffee and long drives alone (or with your boys gang). And yes, do not rant to the boys too.. Deal it alone. The interludes are only to prepare yourself for the double onslaught, and not end up consumed in the process. You can have both of them praise you equally. Just hang in there, and maintain that smile. Cheers!

 

I often get male clients who feel sandwiched between their mother and wife. They tend to feel like a ping pong ball been thrown from one to the other. Each complaining about the other and expecting THE MAN to MAN -UP and take sides. I know we joke about it, but having seen so many men seeking professional help to adjust to the situation and/or cope with anxiety and depression arisisng from it, that I've become more sensitive to the matter. What's your take on it? I teach skills to my clients to cope with it for sure. But would love to know your views.


Ram Kumar Ramaswamy

Ram Kumar Ramaswamy Commented

19 May 2017

Comment :

It does not mean you are in a relationship unless both acknowledge it, and talk about it.

If you have sex with a close friend, does it mean you are in a relationship? Can a relationship between friends work if they end up having sex and feel obliged to be in one?



Disclaimer: The information, views, and opinions expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of Bonobology.

Copyright © 2017 - www.bonobology.com All Rights Reserved Sitemap