Vivek Surendran is an engineer-turned-marketer-turned-journalist who believes that words can change the world. He is constantly struggling to figure out whether he’s a writer, a photographer, an entrepreneur or a messed-up combination of all three. 

 
 

Stories by Vivek Surendran

Dealing With an Extramarital Affair | I Love My Friend’s Wife | Bonobology.com

My friend invited me to his house and I fell in love with his wife

Vivek Surendran
Vivek Surendran
Posted on : 02 May 2017

He fell in love with her as soon as he saw her and then she turned out to be his friend’s wife

Views: 4.89k
Comments: 3
We are more than friends | Bonobology

Less than lovers, more than friends

Vivek Surendran
Vivek Surendran
Posted on : 20 Feb 2017

He’d been feeling empty inside ever since his breakup but then he met her

Views: 2.54k
Comments: 0
How to forgive after getting cheated | Bonobology

Forgiving my partner's affair to reclaim my life

Vivek Surendran
Vivek Surendran
Posted on : 15 Nov 2016

He trusted her, but was the trust strong enough to forgive her transgression?

Views: 11.48k
Comments: 6
Bonobology | In Love, Or Just Comfortable With & Used To Your Partner?

Together because of love, or because it's habitual and easy?

Vivek Surendran
Vivek Surendran
Posted on : 06 Jun 2016

Should you love, leave or stay? What should you do when your relationship is in a conundrum?

Views: 937
Comments: 2

 

Activity by Vivek Surendran

Vivek Surendran

Vivek Surendran Commented

25 May 2017

Comment :

I don't understand what your "family values" are but if you think your family members, immediate and distant, will tell you they have had casual sex, you are wrong. As said below, you decide your values. Sex is a bodily need and it's perfectly fine to satiate it. 

You needn't stop yourself from having sex worrying about "values" constructed by the society or family. Sex is a personal choice and you can decide when to, with whom to, and how many times to have it. Once you get comfortable with this fact, you'd be able to overcome your fear. 

And yes, please use protection. 

I am a single woman and Virgin. Offlate I am having lot of sexual cravings. I started looking someone through online sites. I found someone but when it comes to have actually sex with that person I get scared. My family values and society things make me paranoid. How do I get rid of this fear..... 


Vivek Surendran

Vivek Surendran Commented

25 May 2017

Comment :

First things first, I don't think online dating (unless there is a case of fake identity/criminal intent etc.) is riskier than dating someone you've met through a known person because in both the cases you know almost nothing about the person. 

I believe the best way to approach the "first date" is by minimising expectations. Just be glad that you're getting to meet a new person with many stories to tell. Be interested in those stories, and drop all your facade. Be open, be vulnerable, be nervous, and be yourself. 

You can talk about your schooling, college days, work-life etc. and see how comfortable the person is in sharing stories. On getting a positive response, you can move on to deeper conversations that will give you better idea about that person's ideologies, beliefs and preferences. 

Online dating I feel is a bigger gamble than dating someone you'e met through a friend/ college/ work etc. The first date when you meet the person face to face for the first time can be eye opening to understand if you two get along in the real world. What could be some non-intrusive yet insightful questions one can ask to better know the almost stranger sitting across?


Vivek Surendran

Vivek Surendran Commented

24 Apr 2017

Comment :

Yes. Being on social media platforms, one after another, is not just a habit of mine, but also a work requirement. This has certainly impacted my relationship and my partner flagged it multiple times. I completely understand how annoying it could be when you are having a heart-to-heart and you find your partner, in my case me, itching for a gap to get hold of my phone and check social media feeds. 

Smartphones and internet, anyway, have ruined our lives.


Vivek Surendran

Vivek Surendran Commented

24 Apr 2017

Comment :

Marriage is a socially constructed norm to ensure the parties involved "feel" they are committed enough and do not indulge in physical relationships outside it, and a setup to ensure property/wealth is secured.

I am sorry, but I guess you don't understand the point of a live-in relationship because, like millions of Indians, marriage is the ultimate destination of a relationship, but it is not. 

Two individuals can stay exclusive and committed without getting the tag of being married and being in proximity or being miles apart would not affect the relationship if they are honest enough and committed enough. 

I never quite understood the point of a live-in relationship. You want to stay exclusive and committed but not enough to marry and share lives forever. Why not just date until you decide if you both want to marry and live together and maintain separate lives until then?


Vivek Surendran

Vivek Surendran Commented

20 Mar 2017

Comment :

There is nothing irrational about indulging in a friends with benefits relationship until both parties are clear about it. Sex is a bodily need and it's not necessary that there should be emotions to ensure it's fun. If one of the partners end up developing feelings for the other, it's time to take a call -- whether to stay or leave -- and this happens often. Best thing to do is to be open about it and having a conversation about it. If you don't expect emotional support from that person, tell them that. If you think you can take this forward, tell them that. If you are sure you cannot have that emotional connect and companionship, it's better to leave.

Is it rational for someone to be in a friends with benefits relationship? How logical to have sex with somebody and still opt out of any emotional bonding? And, what if one of the partners end up developing attachment with the other partner?



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