Why do men think that helping the wife is shameful or makes them henpecked?

A friend of mine says that her husband helps her with chores only if she agrees not to discuss the same in his family, he is OK lending her support but no one should know, especially his mom. What is shameful in letting the world know that a husband cares for his wife?


Times are changing. Now we feel bad if we don't contribute enough.

I like cooking and am a bit of a foodie. Learnt cooking from my mother who is a great cook - of course, which son doesn't say that, right?

Problem is, I am too lazy to wake up early in the morning to cook everyday. Before marriage, I used to have lunch outside and come home and make dinner. I am simply not a morning person.

Now my wife cooks lunch in the morning and packs for both of us. But she isn't that keen about taste and all :-| It is all rapid-fire cooking for fueling us through the day.

Having been pampered on great taste growing up I find the lunch so-so. I know it is a bit ungrateful to feel so, but hey! the tongue likes what it likes.

I try and make up by cooking dinner - as I am back home first - and do the other chores around the house. But then I am a slowcoach (I like to say self-congratulatory things like: good cooking takes time). So she ends up joining me in the evening chores too.

So in the end it is the case that both of us are working professionals, yet she is doing far more of the work in the house than I do. Exactly the kind of husband I did not want to be.

  • Anonymous
  • Posted: 27 Dec 2016

That's because we are living in a patriarchal society, where man is expected to earn bread. They are unquestionable, to a certain extent. Perception of a male growing up in the society is moulded accordingly. Further, the relatives, including your mother in law, who is a female herself would not like her son to work in kitchen. Since she has never seen such a thing and consider that to be inappropriate. However, the concept is changing slowly, and may take some time for the nation understand that both men and women can work together. Let it be in a spacecraft or in kitchen.


I'd attribute this to a lack of confidence in men and so also the fact as to what will "others" say. More often than not, we do (or avoid doing) something out of the assumption of creating an impression of being henpecked. Should a man be confident enough and not be bothered about society-speak he can walk tall proclaiming that he helps his wife with household chores.

Not wanting to boast, I can proudly say that putting clothes for washing, drying them (even folding if the maid doesn't turn up) is my responsibility. This is in addition to accompanying my wife (when time permits) for grocery shopping without the slightest whimper. Due to division of labor, work gets done faster and we get to spent quality time with each other watching our favorite programs on television each night.

Incidentally, it's the same men who, when migrating to the western world will do all those jobs that they previously shunned. Why so?

  • amankh
  • Posted: 08 Dec 2016

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