My husband gets verbally abusive when angry. Is that acceptable?

Ours was an arranged marriage but we are in love. My husband however tends to lose his mind every time we have an argument. He indulges in wxtensive verbal abuse with me. He says it is all in the heat of the moment. He does apologise for it all later but when he gets aggressive, he forgets everything else and bad mouths me. Is that acceptable? Please advise guys. Thanks.


Does he do this only when alone or in company as well? Try and get someone he trusts to show him the error in his ways. Maybe a friend or a sibling. Especially before children come into the picture and this abuse starts seeming like a normal part of marriage


Deepti: You are right Nayantara, but I find it humiliating to discuss something so intimate with our family tr friends circle. It just makes me cringe to disclose our personal matters to the public.

Things like this happen in every relationship. Although we can argue that it should not happen. It depends on the person's background and previous exposures. An individual who is verbally abusive to every one, is more likely to take the same route when he comes back home to his wife. He is just an unpolished version of a sarcastic husband. So in this scenario, you should just voice your opinions, about your likes and dislikes when you guys share a moment of peace and when he intends to apologise. I think if you engage all your love into the process, he will be able to alter his misbehaviour.

  • Hridaan
  • Posted: 21 Sep 2016

Deepti: I am trying really hard, Hridaan. But perhaps I am failing somewhere in the intensity of my efforts to make him realise how hurtful it is to hear him lose control over himself every time he gets angry. It's impossible to believe that it is the same man who is the best when happy. It's too demotivating.

Abuse, even verbal, is unacceptable. He should seek anger management and counselling to get better at handling emotions. You are his wife, not a person he should mistreat. And remember, apologies mean nothing if one continues with the behaviour. Put your foot down before it gets any worse!

  • Mayank
  • Posted: 20 Sep 2016

Deepti: I have tried to broach this subject with him, but unable to do so each time. The problem is that he doesn't think he has anger issues. He feels I am responsible for making him react the way he's become an unending cycle of blames..

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