As a guy, I often hear the girls’ most common rant that the guys are immature in relationships. When in love, boys should behave with maturity, the fairer sex often flings the cliché.
This perturbs me no end, since the rant is irrational and is used only to camouflage reality.
I don’t suggest that it’s the fairer sex that is immature, but the reality lies somewhere between the two extremes.
Recently, I was dating a girl who drops the ‘m’ word more often than the ‘f’ word.
Her definition of ‘maturity’ was never explained explicitly or overtly but after careful observation, I managed to ascertain that by an immature person, she implies a person who is insolent to the rude actions of his girlfriend, doesn’t react even when the girl gets unfair, and/or turns unreasonable and/or is bereft of the remotest of logic.
And last but not the least, when he DOES feel bad (if at all) for something that she has done, he must be ‘mature’ enough not to vent his feelings.
If he says that he got hurt or dejected by her behaviour (a natural reaction in those situations), then she is quick to pass him off as ‘immature’.
After all, being a mature person, he should take all the insults, humiliations et al. in his stride and dare not vent his feelings, lest he lose her respect.
Where was my girlfriend wrong, one would wonder?
As Francis Bacon rightly said, “It’s impossible to love and be wise.”
So, when in love, a man or a woman does, and ought to behave innocently or at least petulantly. He is expected to speak his mind sans any fear of being judged by the other person. He is expected to feel bad when she ignores him.
It is perfectly natural for him to feel distraught when she ignores his calls and messages for days and even weeks at a stretch.
It is not uncommon to tell her that she is too important to be ignored.
Also, it is perfectly acceptable to ‘overreact’ when she treats you casually, exactly the way she treats the rest of her friends.
This reaction and behaviour can be passed off as immature but in the quest to grow mature, one shouldn’t miss out on inherent tenets of love.
What really surprised me was the fact that on more than one occasion, she stopped talking to me because she didn’t approve of my behaviour and my tone, the same complaints that I often had.
The only difference between my reaction and hers was the fact that while I conceded that I felt bad, she never did. However, she DID feel bad on the same things, as was evident from her aversion towards me in the following days.
So, does maturity mean that you might feel bad but don’t express it to your partner and if you say so, you do it at the peril of being labelled as ‘immature’?
However, between maturity and honesty, I would love to choose honesty in a relationship.
Let me remain immature, after all yeh dil to baccha hai ji.
Lekha Menon wonders if in fighting for gender equality, women are giving out confused and confusing signals to men about the role they’re expected to play in relationships.Published in