When you sign on the dotted line and know that the end is near, there is no turning back.
I met my happily-ever-after many years ago. He was not the quintessential TDH (the Mills and Boons tall, dark, and handsome), I give you that, but he had roguish appeal. When the honeymoon period ended, every little problem turned into something huge. Suffice it to say that this was the beginning of the end.
When we decided to call it quits, life seemed strange initially, not having him by my side and not waking up with him near me. Along with being newly single, came the pained expressions of society and then the feeling of total isolation.
Friends preferred the partnered ‘me’ to the single me, which was too much to digest. Initially, it hurt, but over time, I learned that a thick hide masks feelings.
It took a long time to get back on my feet and forget the hurt that plagued me at the weirdest times. I still get the shivers to this day. However, knowing what I know, I am much better than the person I was and expected to be, to suit his every whim and fancy, sexually, emotionally, economically and socially.
When there is a child involved, divorce and the aftermath for the single woman could be even more complicated.
Being single at a certain age brings with it a mixed bag of emotions from a societal perspective. It opens the gates of confusion and quite a number of WTF moments. Aside from meeting with a couple of horny old men, the ‘young at heart’ and some younger ones, I must say that life in the single lane has its ups and downs.
Dating is a choice, not a necessity.
I do not need to be head cook, bottle washer, vixen, earning member, partner – I have a new identity. I am my own person and not interdependent on someone else. This may seem like a skewed perspective of life. One may even opine that selfishness is a done deal. I do not disagree with this point of view, because when you put YOU first, you are being relatively selfish, anyway.
The downside of being single is that as the years go by, your marketability goes down the drain if you are looking at being in the market. Women invariably face this form of crazy because of the clock ticking and the yearnings for a child. Nevertheless, the channels of adoption or surrogacy are open.
From a very simplistic view, life on my own has immense value because I do not have to subscribe to an ideal expected of me. The choice is there to do what I like, when I like and how I like it to be. It is also important that I make sure that I stick with the plan of not being over the top. In a nutshell, at this stage of my life, I am free from trying to conform to a certain ideology. I do not have to put out if I do not want to, I have the right to say no or yes when I want, period.
Aarti V Raman is another woman who finds that being divorced and single has its own advantages
This is my story. It is definitely not something that I envisioned would happen to me. I have always been the quintessential romantic. I planned my wedding from the time I was 10 years old and never in my wildest dreams ever imagined that I would be single at 40! Well, what can I say except that, this is the way the cookie crumbles! Being free from a dominating spouse who was rude and quite adept at abuse, I am in a better situation. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing like having a man who loves me and is there for me, but fear does not permit me to go down this road.
Dhanya Venugopal is also frank about her divorced status; she doesn’t see why it’s seen as a social stigma, or why it should elicit sympathy.