My date went awry but I want to take the same person out. What amends should I make?

Prerna Jain, (20), student | Posted on 18 May 2016
Counsellor : Deepak Kashyap
Ask Deepak | How to ask a person out again once a date goes awry? | Bonobology

Q: If a date night turns sour how do you handle it? What amends do you make if you still want to keep taking the same person out?

Dear Prerna, communication, communication and communication. Communication is the key to this problem. Talk to yourself first and then the date. Ask really important, however uncomfortable questions about why did the date go sour? Was he/she disrespectful? Did I get things wrong? Am I being too sensitive? Or is he/she being too insensitive?

Love is a beautifully selfish and conditional emotion. We can’t just love anyone or anything. It is important to find out if the conflicts you had during a date hit at some fundamental aspects of what is important to you.

If it was just a matter of misunderstanding or bad timing, then talk it out in earnest. Justice as a concept is very new to relationships. We must be ready to give our lover their due of sorry(s), thank you(s), please(s) and it’s okay(s). Being open and vulnerable to your date deepens the bond.

It is also equally important to forgive. One pressing problem is that we idolise our partners and expect too much from them. Infallibility is not a human trait and shouldn’t be used as benchmark for judgment for our loved ones. We are all humans at the end of the day! 

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