Why are we so close to each other and yet so far apart?

Anukriti | Posted on 31 Jul 2016
Counsellor : Deepak Kashyap
Ask Deepak | He Is Confused About Dating. What To Do? | Bonobology

Question: It’s a one-sided love story of mine. He proposed to me long back... and then, he broke up with me in four days because of his first love. He cannot forget her still but now we have become even more closer. Physically too. But he doesn’t want to be in a relationship. He is confused. What should I do?

I would be of the opinion that it takes time, space and introspection to solve any kind of confusion one is going through in life. Constantly being in “touch,” with each other is going to only colour the matter further.

If I were you, I would give him a reasonable amount of time and space to think about things he wants and set priorities in life. Living a double life is not the most functional thing one can do as far as emotional health is concerned, especially in the matters of romance and sex.

Romance and sex, just like any other intense mental states, make you believe in the certainty of things based on the complex and strong feelings they both come with. For example, we think, if someone is extremely good in bed, they have to be good for us as lovers outside the bed too.  Or sometimes we judge a perfectly good lover with their abilities to perform in bed with us. Experience and I am sure; some statistics would disagree with us on this.

Feelings alone are no guide to reality, neither in the world outside nor inside of us. One has to employ the rational faculties as well to know what’s good for oneself and what’s not. For the exercise of rationality in tricky matters of the heart one may need a lot of space and time to evaluate and make a judgment.

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