Question: Can you give me tips for my upcoming first night? I fell in love with a girl on my trip to China and now I want to take this further.
Dear Ankit, I must congratulate you that you wish to learn about something as important as this, as opposed to a lot of people, who for different reasons, go down this path with nothing but ignorance (even worse, incomplete or wrong information), which stokes anxiety and confusion in equal measures. I would like you to first consider the following and see if you can find any “tips.”
Unnerving as it may be, one has to realise that it is just one of the many important experiences one will have. It is of value to remember that one should not make this experience bigger than oneself. I would like you to not think of sex and eroticism as primarily an aerobic activity. The difference between our sexuality and that of animals is that we have imagination. That is what makes “sex” erotic for us. Sex for humans, is primarily an activity of the mind. If it weren’t so, sexting over texts and pictures would not exist.
Sex should also not become about wanting to impress the other person with your body parts and ability and technique alone. Sensuality is a two-way street. You are there to respectfully enjoy the erotic pleasure your consenting partner’s body provides you. One would hope that they enjoy your body too, but should not make that as a goal to achieve.
Also focus on the words ‘safe’ and ‘consensual’ more than ‘normal.’ When we take our clothes off in front of someone, we are also exposing our psychological vulnerabilities, in terms of what we find erotically exciting. Something, that we have had to keep a secret from everyone in hopes of being more acceptable. So keep an open, accepting and inclusive mind.
Last but not the least, please have BST; Before Sex Talk. It is important to talk about one’s desires and concerns alike. And hey, use a condom! Have fun!