Do you find that your attraction for your spouse is waning? Or are you falling for a stranger? Our expert speaks...

From the need for emotional counselling, to resolving a complicated situation, psychologist Deepak Kashyap provides expert advice for your relationship issues

Team Bonobology | Posted on 13 Apr 2016
On waning attraction in marriage

I am a 48-year-old, basically happily married man. My problem is my wife’s weight. I hate to sound like the typical shallow guy, but she has put on at least 30 kg since we were married 22 years ago and I am no longer sexually attracted to her.

Dear Ankur, I have one-word advice for you, emotional counselling. I’ll explain in reasonable detail. I will first address the weight issues of your wife and then the questions, concerns and doubts you have raised about your sex life and monogamy.

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I have been with my husband for 10 years. I feel like we are living like roommates with a couple of kids. I met someone online who has given me the level of intimacy I haven't experienced in a long time.

Dear Reshma, I agree that you are in a complicated situation, which is not the same as a ‘terrible’ situation. ‘What if’ is an important part of who we are as human beings. They fire our imagination and fantasy, drive innovation, help us look for answers and also help us orchestrate our biggest mistakes.

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