Spouse lives abroad but hardly calls? Our expert speaks...

Is your partner not calling you up or keeping in touch as much as you would like him/her to? Psychologist Deepak Kashyap provides expert guidance for all your relationship issues

Team Bonobology | Posted on 11 May 2016
Long Distance Marriages | When the Spouse Doesn't Call Enough

I recently married someone who lives in another country. He went back two weeks after the marriage. We have contact only through the phone and he barely calls. We spoke two times in the last ten plus days and that too when I insisted. He is aware that I look forward to connect. Before marriage, he would call almost daily. Now it’s a good morning and good night text, which is very dry considering we are a married couple and not just friends. I don’t want to be a needy, clingy, girl but I do feel emotionally neglected, unloved and strangely lonely; something I never felt when single. It is incredibly painful that I am married to someone does not want to speak to me for five minutes a day. I spend most days crying miserably and trying to accept my fate. If he has no time or interest to form/keep a connection so early in the marriage, will it last? He is good otherwise, and usually nice and kind to people around him. But his lack of any interest in me is distancing me emotionally. I can’t think of him as someone close. The relation is already strained and I cannot share my thoughts with him because on the one occasion that I did, he accused me of not being supportive. It turned into a very long-winding, complicated, discussion driving us further apart. I don’t know why I married someone who is both geographically and emotionally distant. All I expect is that he calls daily or at least on alternate days for five minutes. Are my expectations too high? Thanks for your patience. What do I do?

Your expectations are your expectations. They cannot be put through the unfair validation test of being right, wrong, high or low. To be happy, we all desire different things. Some people need a lot more connection and communication than others; which fact is not a reflection of or enough grounds to judge anyone as good or bad. 

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