When an arranged marriage unravels and an open marriage faces challenges

Deepak Kashyap tries to help a woman whose husband seems to be gay, and a marriage where the 'open' structure has now given rise to insecurity and the need for introspection

Team Bonobology | Posted on 14 Mar 2016
A woman faces trouble in her arranged marriage and another in her open marriage

I am a 26 year-old woman. I have had an arranged marriage with the scion of wealthy family in Kolkata. On the wedding night, I found out that my husband is gay and his partner shared the nuptial bed with him, instead of me. Things have got steadily worse. His family will not let me go, my family wants me to adjust. He laughs at my helplessness as he and his partner walk around the house arm in arm. I feel like killing myself.

You are going through a really tough time at the moment. I can imagine it may have disorienting effects on you and undermine your confidence to deal with your situation and gaining more control over your life than you feel you have currently. I can understand the helplessness that your question seems to be making visible.


I am a 39-year-old woman, married for 12 years now. We have had an open marriage of sorts, where both of us have had our occasional flings. Nothing serious because we have always come back to each other, loved each other and been with each other. But of late, my husband looks disinterested in me. Forget getting intimate, we hardly have conversations or do things together any more. I don't think he is having a serious affair or something. But what bothers me is his silence. When I ask, he just shrugs it off, saying I am imagining things. I am wondering if being too democratic in our marriage was a bad idea. And that we should have actually worked on a solid foundation for our relationship. We don’t have kids, and I am wondering if having one or adopting one may be a good idea.


Communication and subjective rules setting are an important part of open relationships of any kind. Talking about each other’s feelings and helping each other process jealousy and insecurities is what may increase the chances of having a successful open marriage.


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