My flawed concept of 'The One'

It is easy to get carried away in love when you think he is ‘The One’ but Juhi Mohan warns against giving up your identity for the sake of love…

Juhi Mohan | Posted on 30 Jun 2016
How I Lost Myself To My Flawed Concept of 'The One' | Bonobology

‘Love means never having to say you are sorry’ - these words from Erich Segal's love story are perhaps the most abused words of all time.

These words somehow propagate the myth of two bodies, one soul and a lovers’ paradise where partners are be-all and end-all for each other.

As a bright eyed adolescent, these words and scenarios were as true for me as the fact that leaves are green and good girls wait till after marriage for you-know-what.

My understanding of romantic love came from novels and movies, which most often emphasised that you love only once, you will know when you meet the one and it is the ‘one’ which makes you complete!

Now when I look back, I understand the kind of pressure I was unwittingly putting on ‘The One’. So much so, that when a guy started liking me and dropping hints, I started liking him back as a reflex action. May be I wanted to have a love story, the kind they write about in books. So much enthralled I was with the idea of that story that I didn’t even bother to check whether the ‘hero’ was really to my liking!  

Even when my ‘story’ started unfolding I could not fathom why we were not always doing everything together. Not that I wanted a Siamese twin joined at the hip, but I had somehow benchmarked my relationship with all I had read and watched on the silverscreen, which simply meant that if I was doing something, anything, irrespective how important or useless, he had to be in the loop and vice-versa.

Although I didn't have the same views as him on a variety of issues, I started aligning my opinions with his. See, I had an unflinching belief in the law that if you are a couple you think alike!

While I could make out that things were not working, the concept of ‘The One’ made me stick to him and I grew more and more insecure. Even when he cheated on me, I thought it was a minor blip and wanted to make it work with ‘The One’. Somehow, subconsciously I was thinking that if it didn't work out with him, there will be no one else for me. I was not looking at my relationship for what it was but rather, how it would look in a fairytale, where no matter what, the hero always comes back for the heroine. 

It was only after my confidence took a beating and I suffered much heartburn and fighting that I realised that this whole concept of ‘The One’ is so flawed.

I understood that love does not mean that partners need to have a identical likes, dislikes and thoughts and it definitely does not mean that you stop saying sorry and stop phasing out your family and friends from your life.

So, as I enter a new phase with much more confidence and maturity, I resolve not to make the same mistakes again.


Juhi Mohan

Juhi Mohan is a communications professionals. She has lived all across the country and firmly believes that people should marry only because they want to and not because of convention. Her Twitter handle is @juhimohan

Comments : 3

Ram KR: Obsession with the 'The One' sometimes makes life seem so beautiful to live, when the feelings are reciprocated, opinions are respected and differences are accepted. Hardly it happens - for arguments often confirm the differing stances, and as days progress, the two hearts reveal that they are indeed connected to their own heads more than they are, to each other. But still, it is bittersweet, beautiful, and makes one go lengths that are often dangerous.. eating one from inside, for the constant battle that this 'One' obsession creates in us.. May be, many of us are faulty.. to a fault. Life is such..

Mira: <3 Liked, shared, re-read, loved :) Love you guys!

Juhi: Thank you Mira! <3 love and cheers!


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