Before you had to compete with Sharma Ji ka beta, there were pados wali aunties who spent the better part of their married life running gossip around the neighbourhood and spy on their neighbours. They are hilarious to the point of being annoying with their generic questions.
If aunties have lived next door, you have definitely faced some of these questions.
1. “When are you getting married, dear?” ‘Toh shaadi kab karoge beti?’:
Admit it, if you are unmarried after you have hit puberty, that pados ki aunty has asked you this question, at least ten times a year.
2. “Wear bindis with your salwar kameez. You will look so beautiful”:
“No, I don’t want to wear a salwar. Or a bindi. How about you stop telling me what I should wear when I go out. You don’t see me telling you your saree was hideous and that you should take it off.”
Related reading: Top 15 reasons people give to get you married against your wish
3. “Can you cook, dear? The way to your soon-to-be husband’s heart is through his stomach”:
You give your best ‘Is that so?’ face but, deep down, all you want to say is ‘Not really. The way to my husband’s heart lies a few inches below the stomach’.
4. “Who was that with you the other day? Boyfriend?”:
Disaster day. How to explain to your annoying neighbour that the man they saw you with is not your boyfriend, but your best friend who happens to be gay and no, you have no intention of marrying him.
5. “You are going to the gym, dear? Shaadi k liye taiyari?”:
You are a little overweight and your fat-shaming aunti ji just won’t stop reminding you that no one will marry a fat woman. You have half a mind to narrate the psychological trauma a person can go through for being called fat all the time, but you know that lesson will take up your entire weekend. So, with a polite (dare I say shy) smile you move on.
6. “How much do you earn? Why do you need to work so hard? You man will take care of you”:
Thank you very much for your traditional, close-minded opinion but I like to spend my money, not anyone else’s, on the shit that I like.
Related reading: 30 and still not married-an Indian man explains why?
7. “You are growing old. You need to get married so that you can have babies”:
Or I could have babies out of wedlock if I choose to. Or adopt as Brangelina did. How freaking cool would that be? *aunty faints*
8. “See, you can continue studying even after you get married”:
Yeah, and I can still hear you speak after I bury you alive, on the ocean floor, five thousand kilometres from here, how about that?
9. “My sister’s son who is living in the States is looking for a bride. Do I recommend it to you?”:
Horror. Aghast. Disaster Day 2. How do you tell her that you really don’t want to meet anyone that is remotely related to her? What if they are as annoying as her?
10. “Do you drink? Who is going to marry a woman who drinks?”:
Whaaaa? There is always someone out there who wants a woman he can drink wine with and grow old with, don’t worry aunty ji.