What she says and what she really means when saying those things – can be two completely different things. A woman sometimes mystifies what she feels because she is unable to express it directly. While her intention is pure, her words can become twisted.
Communication in relationships requires you to gauge and identify the difference between what she says and what she really means. To really fix any misunderstandings or avoid any major problems, you must understand her and her intentions clearly.
Pay Attention To What She Says And What She Really Means
The biggest problem in a woman’s life in society is patriarchy and all its notions that make them feel unheard. Owing to this, a lot of things that women want to convey are not heard. Women feel like nobody actually pays attention to them or respects their opinions.
I’m not saying that what we say to men is easy to understand or easy to respond to. After ages of not getting the proper response, these conventions have been convoluted and tangled. Here is a quick lowdown on some common scenarios where what a woman says and what she really means are two different things, and in some cases, I may also tell you how men should respond in relationships.:
1. How do I look?
It’s one of the most difficult questions for a man to answer, we know. You can’t ignore it and there are definitely no right answers to this question. If you stare too long, it’s a problem. If you answer too quickly, then it’s a problem too because it comes off like a lie.
I do have a solution to this simple problem. Whenever I ask this question to my partner, he really looks at me, appreciates a few things and makes informed suggestions about a few minor points. There are things he may criticize but he does not make it brutal.
He is rather helpful. It is all about paying attention – that is what shows me his love.
Related Reading: 10 top lies that men tell their women all the time
2. You didn’t even look
This usually follows the previous one. When you hear this, then you know that you have failed to answer the previous question correctly. She is not yet angry with you but is definitely disappointed. This follow-up question is her way of extending an olive branch. She is being kind and giving you time to make amends. Grab the chance to make your angry wife happy or make it up to your annoyed girlfriend.
This is the time for you to really check yourself and amend your response which has clearly dissatisfied her. Look at her more this time, smile, give her a kiss and tell her what your truthful opinion is.
3. I’m fine
This DEFINITELY means she’s not. We all know that every time a woman uses the word ‘fine’ something is seriously off track. But asking her, “What’s wrong?” repeatedly like a broken record isn’t going to improve things.
You both know things are off, so best to handle it carefully. Sit there quietly for a few minutes, perhaps, make her a cup of coffee if you can. When she realizes that you seriously want to know what’s wrong, she’ll open up to you herself.
4. Leave me alone
That’s a tricky one. Sometimes it means ‘hold me tight’, and at others, it means ‘don’t show me your face for the next hour’. You can soften your voice and ask her, ‘Do you really want me to leave?’ If she doesn’t answer that, then you better hang around.
But if she shouts at you, you need to immediately evacuate the premises for things to cool down. Space in a relationship is important and absolutely necessary during times of turmoil. Know when she needs you to hold her and comfort her and when she needs to just spend time with herself.
5. Are you sleeping?
This usually means she wants to have sex or at least a cuddle. What a woman says and what she really means can be different in this situation because she may hesitate in being direct about what’s on her mind.
But if you are not that lucky, it may also mean that she has something on her mind and she wants to discuss it now. It would usually be about some changes that she wants to make and the conversation can work its way through the night. So be careful when you respond to that in a relationship.
Related Reading: Communication Problems In Relationships – 11 Ways To Overcome
6. Are you busy?
Unlike the previous one, this definitely means something is on her mind and she wants to discuss it now. If you really don’t have time for it, then tell her so honestly and take a rain check on the conversation. But don’t use the ‘I’m busy’ excuse as your get-of-jail-free card to avoid relationship arguments.
If she catches you engaging in some entertainment after avoiding talking to her, you are in for a lot of trouble. What she wants to tell you is probably important to her so you do not want her to feel like you are blowing her off.
7. When will you fix that?
Guys, listen, when you hear this in a relationship, you should know that it is not about the toaster or the thermostat that you promised to fix. It means she had a rough day already and everything around her is making her angry. Perhaps, the circumstances were out of her control and she feels overwhelmed.
She then comes back home for some comfort and the things that you promised you would do just add to the pile of her frustrations. So don’t be cocky. Just apologize and offer to make her a cup of tea. Tell her to put her feet up and relax and ask what you can do to help.
This can most definitely help avoid a meaningless fight.
Related Reading: 7 home chores every wife wishes her husband would take care of
8. You do what you think is right
This is an easy one. Some of you guys already know the answer to it: you definitely don’t do what you think is right, because you are wrong. At least, from her point of view.
You are asking to do something so obviously wrong to her that she does not even want to bother gracing it with an explanation. Regardless of who is right or wrong, now is not the time to get into that debate. Remember that while your views may differ, she just wants you to make the right choice.
If such situations arise in your relationship often, it is time for you to improve communication in the relationship.
9. Never mind
The meaning of this is simple. She has made up her mind already. She has solved the problem and doesn’t require your help anymore. She did want your help but has somehow fixed the issue on her own. In relationship talk, this is not a huge alarm.
This doesn’t mean you are off the hook. She might do something that will catch you off guard and can even be something that directly affects you. Don’t let her reach that stage.
10. We need to talk
Boy, Are you in trouble or are you in trouble! What a woman says and what she really means can take you by surprise at times. It can be something small as leaving the toilet seat up or something life-changing like a breakup.
She wants to be open and honestly communicate an issue with you. She is done suppressing her feelings and brushing your issues under the carpet. She is ready to address what’s on her mind when she says this to you. You need luck on your side with this one!
Now that you know the difference between what a woman says and what she really means, you can skillfully dodge several precarious situations in your relationship. Besides, by knowing the right things to say or do at the right time, you’d definitely earn brownie points as the perfect boyfriend!