So strange, your child does not look like you at all!
When I was a kid, my mom and dad were often told that I do not look like them at all. So, as is usual, my looks were broken down and compared to every random relative and long-dead ancestor to know exactly from whom I borrowed my genes. My forehead was compared to my maternal grandma’s, my nose is apparently like my father’s mother’s and my back like my grandpa’s. But unless you do not really have a life but seek some entertainment, you can actually find ways to get out of these cringe-worthy conversations. So, have your humour on point and say one of the following things to people who point out that your child does not look like you at all.
Related reading: 10 things you will relate to if you have an Indian MIL
You know why the kid doesn’t resemble me?
1. “Yeah, I know, right? He took after our dog”
This will work especially well if your child likes to roll around in dirt. If not, make him sit down and bark. Then turn to your friend and say, “See?”
Bonus: This might work too well and make your social life disappear. Which is brilliant if you hate people anyway.
2. “Don’t you think he looks like our boss?”
Say nothing else. Raise an eyebrow, smirk and moonwalk slowly away as your friend fumbles to say something.
Confuse them with calm acceptance
5. “Potatoes don’t always look like other potatoes. They’re still potatoes.”
Or “all biryani is good biryani.”
6. “Oh, thank God. I knew it was a government conspiracy but no one would believe me.”
Look terrified and start muttering about aliens and Time Lords.
7. “What child? I am a virgin.”
Look very confused and remember to hold your child’s hand the entire time.
3. “Dammit, I should call customer service and demand to have my money back!”
Take out your phone and start dialling a number immediately as if trying to call customer service. By the time you are done, your friend will have vanished.
4. “We prayed to our Lord and Saviour Adolf Hitler. Looks like he delivered”: Stick on a tiny moustache under your child’s nose for believability.
Weird them out with words
8. “Yeah, he tends to look like the teapot I grew him in.”
Then start finding similarities between your kid and your favourite teapot. For example, point out how the kid’s nose looks a teapot snout and keeps leaking.
9. “I must have mixed something weird in the potion”
Or, better yet, “I know! It’s a robot. Doesn’t it look fantastic? Say hello!”
10. “You did not see us. This conversation never happened.”
For better effect, both you and your child should put on your shades and walk away briskly while looking around as if to check if anyone’s following. They will be too confused and weirded out to bring it up again.
Kids are like cats. They may not look like you or even like you, for that matter, but, in the end, you are stuck with them and do the best you can while trying to hold your sanity together. So in case someone still thinks it wise to point out exactly how your child differs from you, you have all the freedom to be snarky. Bring out your inner super sassy villain and burn that damn idiot to the ground. With your words. Not with fire. That might cause additional problems.