They say you shouldn’t marry someone you can live with, but someone you can’t live without. At one point in time, you probably felt that way about your spouse. However, over time something changed. Either you felt the spark fading or you realized that you do not share the same core values. And yet, so strong is our faith in marriage, even when you hit a rough spot, it can hard to see the signs that your marriage is over.
There are always signs a marriage is over for men, and for women too. But, since every married couple goes through their fair share of ups and downs along the way, getting into fights and arguments doesn’t mean that your relationship is doomed. Or just because you’re past that initial phase of romance and attraction, it doesn’t mean that there is no love in the marriage.
So then, how do you tell whether you’re simply weathering another storm that will pass or your marriage is truly on the rocks? Keeping an eye out for certain tell-tale signs can help put that dilemma to rest, to look for signs your marriage is falling apart.
12 Signs Your Marriage Is Over-Its Time To Move On
Ah, that state of absolute bliss that you feel shortly after you get married. Feeling like the happiest person alive. But as every couple eventually finds out that feeling doesn’t last forever. When the going gets tough, it is natural to wonder if a marriage is worth saving or is it better to part ways. According to counsellor and life coach Dr. Neelu Khanna, there are always signs that a marriage is genuinely on it way out. “From lack of communication, to lack of quality time together, there are seemingly small differences that can grow and cause a marriage to fall apart,” says Dr. Khanna.
However, while this is cause for concern, you should not give up until there is no other way out left. Your marriage is still worth saving if you or your partner only occasionally exhibit the traits that can threaten your togetherness.
Related Reading: 11 Signs You Are In A Codependent Marriage
However, if these 12 signs that your marriage is over are looming large, it may be time to take stock of what the future holds for you:
1. Living like a single person
One of the most obvious signs that your marriage is over is that you and your spouse are still living life as if you were single. This could include instances of going out to party a lot or if their plans to go out frequently do not involve you. There is nothing wrong with your spouse going out with their group of friends every once in a while but doing so every week is a sign that your marriage is failing.
“Not spending quality time together results in a couple growing apart and getting used to their loneliness. As a result, they start getting upset and unhappy with their marital life,” explains Dr. Khanna.
2. Your future plans don’t include your spouse
If you have ever asked yourself if you’re in a loveless marriage, this should be among the top things to consider. Try to imagine the rest of your life without your spouse. Does this idea cause you pain or are you apathetic about it? Is this one of the signs a marriage cannot be saved?
Mostly, the answer is yes. If imagining the rest of your life without your spouse fills you up with a sense of relief, it is one of the 12 signs that your marriage is over and not worth saving.
3. You are no longer jealous
Whatever your philosophies on jealousy, you cannot deny that where love exists, jealousy follows. While it is true that you should not let jealousy get in the way of your partner’s freedom or individuality, you cannot say that a person should not feel jealous.
If watching your spouse get along with someone they could potentially grow to like does not make you feel at least a little jealous, you should consider the possibility that you are no longer in love with them. A complete absence of jealousy is a definite red flag. This is one of the signs your marriage is falling apart.
4. Major financial decisions without discussion
Once you get married, every decision you make affects your partner and not just you. If you have asked yourself is your marriage worth saving, you need to see if either of you frequently make major financial purchases without consulting the other.
“Financial constraints also create lot of disharmony and affect a marriage negatively,” Dr. Khanna says. But, she adds, discussing finances is key.
Your spouse not discussing major financial decisions with you – or vice-versa – indicates that there is something amiss in your bond. Worse still, if their financial decisions start affecting your life adversely, you need to consider the possibility that your marriage may not survive in the long run.
5. Different views on the marital bond
Even if you’ve been married a long time, one reason your marriage could be on the rocks is that you and your partner have differing views on what an ideal marriage should be. From what it means to be married to priorities about family time or starting a family, there can be a host of issues where spouses can disagree.
But if you cannot find a middle ground, these differences can take a toll on your relationship eventually and is definitely one of the signs a marriage cannot be saved.
“Different perspectives and being on different wavelengths can cause a communication gap. Sometimes, one partner may choose not to get involved in any kind of talks fearing an argument,” warns Dr. Khanna.
6. Violence is a red flag
Many people believe that violence always has to lead to physical scars. But emotional abuse is far more common in unhappy marriages. Even though it doesn’t leave scars that people can see, the impact on your psyche can be debilitating.
“Lack of communication can also be due to repeated abuse, following which one person makes a choice to not engage at all,” Dr. Khanna says.
Emotional violence could take many forms such as your spouse belittling or humiliating you rather than being supportive and helping you be the best version of yourself. If your partner frequently makes you feel bad about yourself, then it is an unmistakable sign that you are suffering from emotional abuse.
Abuse of any kind is the hallmark of an unhealthy relationship. If it’s rampant in your marriage, you need to put yourself first and weigh your options.
7. You’ve thought about cheating
Couples in healthy relationships don’t particularly entertain the thoughts of cheating. If the idea of cheating on your partner no longer seems like a horrifying prospect, it means that love and respect are beginning to wane.
A marriage cannot last with genuine love, respect and admiration between you and your spouse. The fact that you have considered the prospect of being with someone else indicates that something is amiss in your relationship. Now, just a thought of this nature doesn’t necessarily mean that the marriage is over.
After all, it’s a long journey that two people embark on together and fleeting attraction outside the marriage is not uncommon. But when coupled with other signs that your marriage is over, it can be a disastrous forewarning.
8. Avoiding each other
If you and your spouse frequently try to avoid being in the same room for too long, it is a sign that the relationship is over. Couples who are still in love try their best to spend as much time together as possible. They cherish each other’s company rather than merely tolerating it.
Sure, we all need space in a relationship, but ultimately, a healthy marriage is one where you genuinely like your partner and want to hang out with them.
If you have asked yourself is your marriage worth saving, you need to be honest and ask yourself if you or your spouse keep trying to avoid each other rather than living together like a couple.
Related Reading: Top 15 Signs Of A Selfish Husband And Why Is He Like That?
9. You do not open up to your partner
Your spouse is supposed to be the one person you should feel secure and comfortable being vulnerable around. Being able to communicate in a relationship without fear of judgment is crucial to leading a healthy married life. We know we’re always told men find it hard to open up anyway, but this isn’t just one of the signs a marriage is over for men. Regardless of gender, communication is important.
If you are not able to honestly communicate with your partner and find that you can no longer bring yourself to be vulnerable around them, you can be sure that something is going wrong in your marriage.
10. Fantasizing about hurting them
In unhappy marriages, it is quite common for one spouse to fantasize about hurting the other. This may normally occur during arguments or bouts of aggression. But frequently finding yourself fantasizing about your partner getting hurt, is quite another story. Such fantasies are just one symptom of an unhappy marriage and should be counted among the 12 signs that your marriage is over.
11. Having an emotional affair
Another sign of an unhappy marriage is when either of the spouses gets into an emotional affair. An emotional affair is when you fulfill your emotional requirements and needs for intimacy from someone other than your spouse.
Though it might seem harmless since you are not technically cheating, turning to a third person for fulfilling your emotional needs is far more dangerous than physical infidelity. It’s a sign that the connection between you and your spouse is losing its value.
12. Physical intimacy doesn’t excite you
A desire for physical intimacy is vital for a healthy marriage. While you and your partner will experience changes in your sex life after marriage, a complete lack of desire is a sign of an unhappy marriage.
Sometimes, couples can go through phases where the stress of life makes intimate moments take a back seat. This is normal and should not be considered as a sign of a failing marriage. But if you find that you or your partner have desires but not for each other, then the writing is pretty much on the wall.
Dr. Khanna explains that reduced physical intimacy can result in a fallout or result in one or both partners being unhappy, frustrated and seeking satisfaction outside the marriage.
Related Reading: 8 Signs Your Wife Disrespects You (And How You Should Deal With It)
You might be concerned if you realize that your relationship does, in fact, show one or more of the 12 signs your marriage is over. In your despair, you might believe that your marriage is not worth saving or that it cannot be saved. That is not true. Couples go through bad times and may display some of the signs of a failing marriage during these rough spells.
These moments are crucial as they test whether you and your partner value the relationship enough to work through your problems. If you are confused as to when should you walk away from your marriage, you need to ask yourself if you and your spouse are still making a serious effort to resolve your conflicts.
If that’s not the case, you should walk away from your marriage.