Humour

50 first dates and counting…

What happens when you go on endless ‘arranged’ dates?

No, I don’t suffer from amnesia, nor have all my 50 dates been with the same guy as Drew Barrymore’s were. (Go figure, who’s the luckier one!) But, yes, if one of those matrimonial websites is handing out sashes for the business given to them, I would certainly head that queue. Here’s an account of some of those ‘meetings’ before they went into a repetitive spiral.

Eyes, Eyes, Baby: So, there were these parents who came to see me without the ‘candidate’, peered at me through thick glasses and asked whether I wore glasses.

Single-Minded Seeker: The guy from Australia who had given up his job there to come back and look for a bride in India.

Read 10 things that only single people will relate to.

Hearing Loss: Over a cup of coffee at CCD, he articulated that he lived in Kent. Then I asked him ‘Where do you live?’ British accent problem. Never ‘heard’ from him again.

Silence is Golden: That poor computer science graduate! Pronounced Illinois in USA as ‘Illnoy-s’ to this Miss Snooty Boots. Say no more!

Sleeveless Vs Spineless? This one looked me up and down, noticed my sleeveless kurti and asked, “Will you be wearing sleeveless dresses after marriage?” Yup, we had just met.

Real Life Joey: Sans the sex appeal. No, he was more of the ‘Joey doesn’t share his food’ variety. I ordered a coffee; he, a dessert. And when I unconsciously dug a harmless spoon into his dessert, he deserted.

Not Without My Family: We were talking. There was a family of about eight at the next table. His! He only introduced them to me at the end. Dude, I wouldn’t have kidnapped you, believe me.

Breakfast Time: The guy who drove me around in a car for half an hour and asked me what time I would have breakfast if I kept my content development job after marriage. He decided it wouldn’t work when he realised the time did not match his family’s breakfast time.

The Quickie: This one took me to his room for the ‘interview’ while the parents talked outside. He reeled off from a memorised list of questions and we were done.

My understanding of romantic love came from novels. I kept trying to make my failing first relationship work thinking, he is ‘the one’.

Future Tense: As a student, he had always studied at the last minute and also cheated on exams to pass. Kids from him? Oh, no.

Great Expectations: He wanted me to keep his mother company in Pune while he worked (and did goodness knows what) in Bombay. Argh!

MIL’s Companion or The Highway: He couldn’t believe that I, a girl living by herself for 10 years (mentioned clearly on the biodata) drove on highways between cities all by herself. Oh, but of course, after marriage I wouldn’t need to do that. I would keep the MIL company, as all wives who go to heaven do.

Well, you get the drift, don’t you? And so it has been for more than 50 dates now!

Published in Humour

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