6 reasons people give for having affairs

Prachi Vaish
young man texting lover while wife is asleep

As a therapist who extensively helps people deal with the aftermath of extramarital affairs, I have pretty much come across every reason possible that people give for why they had the affair. Here’s a list of the top reasons I’ve heard in my therapy chambers!

  • I got carried away – People use this reason and say that they were with the affair partner, talking or drinking and one thing led to another and before they could stop it, things happened.
  • You weren’t here and I missed you – This usually especially happens in long distance relationships. People find someone they connect with near them and even though what they’re really craving is the actual partner’s intimacy, the person near them seems to fulfil it.
  • It was just a moment thing, didn’t mean anything – Sometimes people get attracted and think just one kiss or a make-out session won’t make much difference.

    excuses for cheating

    ‘It was just in the moment thing’ Image Source

Related reading: Why did I need so many emotional connections outside marriage?

  • I felt bad for her/him – This comes up in case of people who hook up with close friends/colleagues. Usually it’s someone who confides in them often, mostly about their own problems and sour relationship, and then this leads to emotional intimacy and sometimes physical too.
  • I was lonely – This is similar to “I missed you” but can also apply to relationships that may not be long distance, but which start losing the emotional connect over a period of time. So the intimacy goes down and partners feel alone despite technically being in a relationship and seek comfort in someone else.
  • It was just physical attraction – This is just what it says. Sometimes the physical attraction is just too strong and there’s no intention for a long-term ‘relationship’ but just a hot, torrid affair.

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Karma July 18, 2019 - 2:42 pm

Yes. Have one thing in hand and grab other secretley from others. It thrives on Gharki Chor ko not even God can catch. Greed and lust main drivers. Enact drama of love and affection at home so that no doubt arises in mind of loyal spouse. Cheaters are like parasites or worms in the stool, stick to the marriage do heneous things behind the back of loyal partner.

August 29, 2017 - 11:43 am

A person gets into an extra-marital relationship; mainly because he / she is not receiving the expected love and care at home; some are purely out of lust; but some are there out of true love too without any expectations – they don’t want to disturb the married life of the other person… also due to society norms / taboo – they cannot be together – so choose to be separate but cannot sacrifice their love !

Madhu August 24, 2017 - 8:19 am

I feel the sole reason a man / woman cheats is for their selfish motive of getting
more than what they are entitled to get in a relationship without disclossing it to their partners . Most often its for having your comforts and grabbing something addition under the carpet . Its a greed for more physical gratification or variety at the end .

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