As a therapist who extensively helps people deal with the aftermath of extramarital affairs, I have pretty much come across every reason possible that people give for why they had the affair. Here’s a list of the top reasons I’ve heard in my therapy chambers!
- I got carried away – People use this reason and say that they were with the affair partner, talking or drinking and one thing led to another and before they could stop it, things happened.
- You weren’t here and I missed you – This usually especially happens in long-distance relationships. People find someone they connect with near them and even though what they’re really craving is the actual partner’s intimacy, the person near them seems to fulfill it.
- It was just a moment thing, didn’t mean anything – Sometimes people get attracted and think just one kiss or a make-out session won’t make much difference.
Related reading: Why did I need so many emotional connections outside marriage?
- I felt bad for her/him – This comes up in the case of people who hook up with close friends/colleagues. Usually, it’s someone who confides in them often, mostly about their own problems and sour relationship, and then this leads to emotional intimacy and sometimes physically too.
- I was lonely – This is similar to “I missed you” but can also apply to relationships that may not be long distance, but which start losing the emotional connect over a period of time. So the intimacy goes down and partners feel alone despite technically being in a relationship and seek comfort in someone else.
- It was just physical attraction – This is just what it says. Sometimes the physical attraction is just too strong and there’s no intention for a long-term ‘relationship’ but just a hot, torrid affair.