Expert Speak

6 reasons why you should go with gut feel while choosing your partner

As modern beings we are taught to reason our way through everything and not trust our emotions, but our instincts are often better guides to a successful and lasting relationship
Art of choosing partner

It was in a ‘Relationship and Love’ workshop that one of my trainers said that we all have a picture of our perfect partner that we would like to have in our lives. While we paint that picture in our mind and hope that our partner has XYZ qualities and attributes – for example the partner should be good-looking, kind, compassionate, understanding, etc. – we forget to tell ourselves what traits we would not like in them. While you may make a list of ‘things’ you would like to have in your partner, you never make a list of ‘things’ you wouldn’t like. So what happens is, even though you may end up manifesting a partner who could be good-looking, charming and caring, the same partner could also be nagging, doubtful and extra-possessive – things you forgot to put down in your list.

So planning for a perfect partner is not always helpful. Because every individual will invariably come with his or her own set of flaws or qualities that you do not appreciate. What could you do then in manifesting the perfect partner? Well, one of the ways could be to trust your instincts. Here’s a list of reasons why you should always trust your instincts when beginning a relationship and how it helps.

1. We are all energetic beings

We cannot forget the fact that while we have a physical body, we all are composed of energy. We’re all ‘beings’ made up of emotions. And what are emotions? Emotions are nothing but “energies in motion”. And the only nature of energy is to either flow or transform. But we don’t trust this energy of ours. We would rather like to calculate, verify our facts and make an informed choice by giving ourselves all kinds of reasons to be in a relationship. For once, it is important to listen to what our emotions tell us, to listen to our original and authentic energy and trust this energy when we meet a person and identify if that person is vibrating at the same kind of frequency as us. As they say, ‘trust the vibes’.

2. Trust the subconscious

The subconscious mind is the repository of all the information that we have collected from the time we are born till the time we die. It stores all the cellular memories of our ancestors as well. That’s why when we meet a person whom we immediately like without any reason, or conversely if we meet a person and we are immediately filled with immense dislike – it’s the subconscious telling you whether that’s the right person for you or not.

The subconscious has its own way of functioning and unfortunately (or fortunately), it doesn’t work by logic or reason, it only works by identification based on the genetic memory that’s been passed on. So, if the subconscious tells you that it’s the right person (or the wrong person), act on it; don’t try to find a reason. It’s only giving you a solution based on the memory passed on from thousands and thousands of years.

Related reading: In search of Mr/Ms Right…again and again

3. Awareness and knowing

Even as children, especially in the kind of times we live in, the sense of wonder and awe is killed. And children are taught to be brutally rational and empirical. Everything is based on data and the idea of vibes and awareness is defused. But liking a person and getting into a relationship doesn’t work that way. You can’t tell sometimes why you’re in love with the person you are with. Or why you don’t like someone even if there seems to be no reason to complain. Your logical mind and thinking mind will give you various reasons to disqualify such absurd assumptions. But it’s at that moment that you are functioning out of your awareness and knowing. When allowing a person to enter or not to enter your life, operate out of your awareness and knowing rather than operating out of your thinking mind and proving mind.

Related reading: You can fix a cricket match, not attraction

4. Feelings are primordial

We all have a tendency to live in the future and the moment we are in a relationship, we have already made plans for the next ten years. The problem with that is, the conscious mind is always at work and there is no space for feelings to come and tell you why you would like to be with this person. There is no role of instinct to play in a space that is flooded with reasons. And reasons are nothing but limitations. At some point or the other, they will certainly fail us. So stop reasoning and move with your feelings. Your feelings will tell you who this person is and will respond to the energy of the person, whereas the conscious mind will only act out of reason.

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5. Instincts are random, hence natural

Randomness is the most natural part of human life, and yet we strive for certainty. It is by random that we meet a certain someone and happen to like the person. We aren’t aware at that point of time, whether this person will become the most important part of our lives, but later we give ourselves evidence and information why he or she should become ‘that’ important in our lives. Reasons come much after instinct. It’s the instinct initially that tells you whether his/her energy matches with yours or not. Trust the randomness, because it is the randomness that (naturally) comes first, before we convince ourselves to find some order within that.

6. Your mind is not your friend

Again this is about the conscious mind. It’s through research we know that the mind only functions on the basis of what suggestions you give it. So if you tell your mind that XYZ person is good because of ABC qualities and you keep reinforcing it, then the mind will believe in it! That’s the reason most people are perhaps not in love with their lovers, but probably they are in love with the idea of their lover in their heads. They have fed the mind with those ideas because they feel valid and reasonable. Instinct, on the other hand, will allow you to trust in the present and the vibes you get from this person. It will ground you and allow you to be in the present and pull you out of the cage of all the stupid reasons you give yourself to believe what you tell your mind.

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