6 tips to cope with a breakup

Team Bonobology

Coping after a breakup can send you into a tailspin. You might think you have it under control after finding your answer at the bottom of a rum bottle, but the next morning you are doing the same shit all over again.

No matter how long the relationship was, or how good or how bad, breakups are nasty and nobody deals with them well.

Whether you are playing Fergie’s Big Girls Don’t Cry or slamming it up with Love the Way you Lie, one thing to remember is indulging in hate songs won’t help you in the end.

But there are a few tips that you might want to consider to get yourself through this.

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1. Communicate with your thoughts:

Suppressing your feelings is not a great idea. It creates a bulge in your innermost thoughts which will vent themselves out in ugly ways.

Don’t repress the emotions. You had invested the better part of you in a relationship and it has crashed and burned. Let them flow. Vent all you want. Give yourself time to grieve. Cry all day if it comes to that.

And when you are tired of your red, puffy eyes, you can vent it out by writing or talking to someone.

Writing about your feelings goes a long way to helping yourself. The process itself is therapeutic but remember, the healing process is a curve and you must let the venting out take its own time.

Related reading:
6 things every girl does to get over a guy

2. Don’t stalk; sever all contacts:

If your ex-partner was a friend to you more than a partner and even if he/she wants you to remain ‘friends’ after the breakup, it’s okay to sever contacts for a while till you have gotten yourself back on your feet.

Stalking your ex-partner’s social media will agitate you more, you will lose sleep and wake up miserable again the next day.

For you to heal, stopping all communication will be tough (since you have his number memorised) but try and manage to stay off the phone for a while.

It’s all about your willpower. No matter how much you need to hear his/her voice, fight it. Don’t let the crazy win!

3. Negate your thoughts into positive:

Being bitter after a breakup is quite normal. Channel the heartbreak into something positive.

After the intense period of sobbing and ‘Why did this happen to me?’, you cannot be bitter about your ex to everyone. The negative emotions that you feel have to be made into positive thoughts. Think about all the things that made you happy in the relationship. Ignore the mistakes, focus on the good things you have learnt from the relationship.

And don’t go bitching about your ex to everyone you know. That will just lower their opinion of you.


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4. No rush decisions:

Don’t rush into major decisions about your life; like impulsive car shopping or moving to a new apartment. Rush decisions are rash decisions and are merely ways to not deal with what you are feeling.

5. Accept the support of your loved ones:

For example, your friends or family. Loved ones have always got your back. All you have to do is accept their support.

Call your sister or your cousin (close ones) and cry to them and tell them what has happened.

Bring your girl gang and bore them with your breakup story for the hundredth time. They might say ‘Not again’ but they are there for you and will lend a shoulder for you to cry on.

Devote a little ‘me time’:

Haven’t washed your hair for three days? Haven’t combed? Don’t know what the outside world looks like? Those are the withdrawal symptoms of a breakup.

Dedicate a day of the week to get back on your feet. Call in for a ‘work from home’ day, enjoy retail therapy, get a full body spa, or a massage. You will find it miraculous how mellow music in a semi dark room and a masseuse can make the foul thoughts go away.

Our readers tell us what lessons they have learnt from heartbreak

My boyfriend of eight years left me when his mother who is ill, refused to support our marriage

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