It’s a surprising step chart that pops up when we open our survey sheet for the question—Do You Fake an Orgasm? The longest step at the bottom is a brow-raising NEVER (63%) followed by a considerably lesser Sometimes (19%), Mostly Not (12%) and a negligible Mostly Yes (6%). Considering the survey was taken by urban Indians in relationships under complete anonymity, we are compelled to believe these results are true *slow clap*.
So, no forced oohs and aahs and dramatic yes-yesss-yessss-es the way poor porn teaches; not for the modern Indian couple that likes to keep it real in bed. Didn’t they say honesty is the best policy after all?
“I tell him I am not done!” says one of our respondents very matter-of-factly, for the sheer reason that good sex is as much a man’s responsibility as it is his entitlement. “Never! I speak the truth!” echoes another response from a married participant of the survey. How refreshing.
Back in the times of traditional coital conduct, Indian or Western, it was believed that a man’s sexual ego must be appeased during the act by reinforcing his power of pleasing his partner, whether or not that was actually happening.
So much so that local sex-in-the-city sessions among friends evoked commonplace responses like, “What? You don’t moan?” The modern woman thankfully shrugs at that pretence, calling a spade a spade and demanding all that she needs to REALLY moan and, if you’re lucky, groan and sigh and fall spent and satisfied. And what can make a man happier than to know it wasn’t fake!
“It’s a healthy trend and certainly a good thing if partners are telling each other that they have not climaxed. For men of course, it is very difficult to fake an orgasm since it involves visible ejaculation but women have been known to do it very often—tiredness, boredom, hurry—whatever the reason. I have met women who work by the day and in the evening, perform sex just as a duty. More often than not, these women are too exhausted to enjoy the act as routine and may often resort to faking an orgasm but the survey gives a sign that looks good,” explains Padma Shri-winning sexologist Dr Prakash Kothari.
Related reading: 7 secrets about sex women wish men knew
“Another reason behind faking an orgasm is often that some women are not happy in their marriage and hence find it difficult to get physical pleasure from it. Others come very fast, often during foreplay—an early orgasm is a known phenomenon in women too, much like it is in men. Still another cause is the ignorance of what an orgasm really is. I have come across so many sex professionals who don’t know what an orgasm is! Some think lubrication itself is orgasm. So I need to constantly ask them—Do you get this feeling of enough and nothing more? Only that is an orgasm,” he adds.
Of course, he goes on, one can use a fake orgasm to his or her own advantage as the man feels he has done his job while the woman also gets less tired, but the reasons behind it are very individualistic and cannot be generalised. After all, it only makes sense to motivate your almost-there partner even if you aren’t peaking right? Going by what cosmopolitan couples today live by—Wrong. Desire and fulfillment is an equal playing field, and no hanky-panky can cover up the way it actually ought to be.
“I mean, it’s like a false appraisal—does your boss ever give you one? Would you want your husband to praise you for food sourly cooked? Similarly, you can give him a high for those three seconds ahead of his big release but in the long run, you’re only letting yourself and your relationship down,” says Tanvi S, a 32-year-old California-based wife and mother. So choose wisely for that happy ending!