If marriage is the backbone of togetherness between two people, love is the lifeblood that sustains that bond. Even so, the concept of arranged marriages continues to find space in the Indian societal fabric even today. There is no dearth of families, especially in the hinterland, where arranged marriages are a non-negotiable norm. And so we have scores of people sacrificing their love relationships at the altar of family reputations and several more who have to pay with their life for following their heart. In the 21st century, when a vast majority of our youth doesn’t even care for the sanctity of matrimonial bliss, the whole arranged marriage or love marriage debate makes for a curious case.
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Is Love Marriage Better Than Arranged Marriage?
If you’re at that stage in your life when the pressure of ‘settling down’ begins to mount from every conceivable corner, it is only natural that you’ll find yourself weighing arranged marriage or love marriage pros and cons at some point. Irrespective of your relationship status and future plans.
So, if you find yourself wondering is love marriage better than arranged marriage, our answer would be a categorical yes. Here are 7 reasons why:
1. You know who your future life partner
‘Till death do us part’ – that’s the idea behind marriage. Two people coming together to share their life with each other. Doesn’t it make sense then to embark on this decades-long journey with someone you know inside-out and share a deep connection with?
This sense of familiarity is nearly absent in the case of arranged marriages. Even with the trend of semi-arranged marriages catching on – you know, where the guy and girl connect on a matrimonial site and involve the families only if they hit it off with each other – the chances of knowing the real personality of your potential life partner are abysmally low. Since both of you will be putting your best foot forward to ‘seal the deal’.
For this reason alone, the answer to – ‘which kind of marriage should I have?’ should be – love marriage.
2. There is no awkwardness in intimacy
We all remember the cringe-worthy portrayal of suhag raat in the movies from the 80s and 90s. Do you really want the consummation of your marriage to play out on those lines? Well, that’s a risk you run in case of arranged marriages.
First of all, a lot of couples in an arranged match do not go all the way and indulge in pre-marital sex for the fear of being judged. This can lead to a lot of awkwardness between a couple when they have to share a bed and get intimate with someone because they’re socially obligated to.
Even those who take that plunge may find themselves in a tight spot if they end up sexually disappointed. Now that families are involved and the word is out, it becomes hard to call off a wedding just because the sex wasn’t good. In all likelihood, anyone in this position would go along with the wedding, hoping like hell that the sexual chemistry would improve eventually.
This most definitely isn’t a concern in case of love marriage. You have been there, done it all, and most importantly, are comfortable in co-existing with your partner in an intimate setting.
That’s why in the arranged marriage or love marriage debate, our vote is for the latter.
Related reading: Which is better – love marriage or arranged marriage?
3. Avoid resentment toward your family
If you do go ahead with an arranged marriage and are dealt a bad hand, you’ll on some level, unwittingly resent your family for the alliance. These feelings can be even pronounced if the person agreed to match due to mounting family pressure.
In the case of love marriages, on the other hand, you know no matter how things play out to be, the buck stops at you. You’re in the driver’s seat, charting the course of your life, living with the consequences of your choices – and that’s exactly how every adult should live.
So, is love marriage better than arranged marriage? You have your answer
4. No unrealistic expectations
In a love marriage, you know your partner well and are privy to the highs and lows of their personal and professional journey so far. This also means that you know of each other’s financial limitations and are comfortable with them. In this case, the chances of an abrupt demand or unrealistic expectations are minimal. You won’t expect your partner to spend a bomb on the honeymoon or buy a penthouse for you to move into when you know it is beyond their means.
With transparency lacking in the case of arranged marriages and the tendency for people to exaggerate their prowess for the sake of making an impression, such demands and expectations can become a sore spot in the relationship. This can also lead to long-term issues and discord in the marriage.
Related reading: Arranging my Love Marriage
5. No need for an extravaganza
The ‘big fat Indian wedding’ is a testament to how parents stretch themselves thin financially just because of the idea that a lavish wedding would please their child’s future in-laws, and thus, keep the marital ship from hitting rocky waters. This despite there being no guarantee that overspending on a wedding can buy happiness in a marriage.
In the case of arranged marriages, lavish, extravagant weddings are a foregone conclusion. With love marriage, you and your partner can put your foot down and put a stop to this waste of resource, and even pay for the wedding, if you’re both on the same page.
If you’re the practical kind, you have your answer to ‘which kind of marriage should I have?’ right here.
6. Fighting the social evil of dowry
How can a self-respecting man accept money and freebies from his wife’s family, how can a self-respecting woman share her life with someone who does! The fact that even in this time and age, people not only unabashedly give and take dowry but women are also tortured and killed for it is reason enough to concede that love marriage is better than arranged marriage.
In the case of the former, the couple can take a strong stance against this outdated social ill because their relationship rests on mutual respect and understanding. In arrange marriage, the likelihood of such an attempt coming to fruition is next to impossible.
7. A sense of camaraderie
A couple that has been in a relationship before tying the knot build their marriage on the foundation of camaraderie, which goes a long way in making a home a happy place. Love, attraction, sex and passion are all very well, and important components of a romantic relationship, but it is this sense of friendship and bonhomie that sees a couple through those rough patches and low phases of life.
This is something that is hard to come by in an arranged marriage, especially in the beginning. By the time you become your spouses’ friend, a lot of water has flown under the bridge. This can result in resentment and unresolved issues. Even if such a marriage survives, it’ll be an unhappy one.
So, is love marriage successful or arranged marriage? The writing is on the wall. There is no good enough reason other than love to share your life with another person.