When the going gets tough the tough get stronger
I have always believed that all adversity can be overcome by a strong relationship. Infidelity is a little difficult to tide over, as a lot of trauma and trust issues need to be healed. Even worse is alcoholism and domestic violence. It is very sad when insanity is involved. In these cases, sometimes divorce is the only option out. However, when I hear that a couple has split because of a downturn in finances and a lowering of living standards as a result of it, I am concerned.
Is a relationship that fragile that money or the lack thereof can cause a break? In Hindi there is a saying that money is the grime on the hands – that money comes and goes. The Japanese believe that a problem with money is no problem at all.
The Japanese believe that a problem with money is no problem at all.
Imagine if it were of health or love or a spiritual dilemma? Wouldn’t those be worse?
When he lost his job but she believed in him
Kanmani and Kurup were married early. She was just 20 and he was older, but a traditional arranged marriage and two children ensured a sturdy family life. Kurup was an average employee of a private company and their boat sailed on till one day the company closed. With the compensation offered and a large bank loan, Kurup floated his own computer-learning centre. It seemed like they would tide over this initial setback but soon he discovered that his entrepreneurship needed more than hard work and sincerity.
Kanmani let all her gold jewellery be pawned and Kurup borrowed some more from local loan sharks to stay afloat. Soon he had to lock down his business enterprise and looked at his ancestral property to bail him out of dire straights he found himself in. Loans have a way of leeching at you, by way of interest and a feeling of ill ease and dread when your creditors circle around you like vultures. Their daughters were still studying and they felt that their father had let them and their mother down. Kanmani, however, was a person of deep conviction that they would come out of this quicksand untarnished. She was steadfast in her belief that all would go well.
Related reading: 15 clever ways of saving money as a couple
Some helping hands
The universe has a way of lending a helping hand to all troubled souls, and you cannot dictate the source or direction from whence this will come. Kanmani’s younger brother bagged a prestigious position in NASA and was soon working there at a very high salary, in New York. Soon he and his family settled down in NY and he began to help out his sister in a small way financially. Soon, it was time for Kurup’s eldest daughter to be married off. Theirs was still a hand-to-mouth survival, and had it not been for the small handouts they would have not known where their next meal would come from.
His total debt of 40 lakhs of rupees bore heavily on them and the last straw was when a gang of strong-armed thugs knocked at the door and asked Kanmani about the loans. She claimed ignorance of the status and then one of the men leered at her and said, they didn’t mind being paid in kind. That was the only time she broke down and cried. Kurup immediately took matters in his hands, and though he was touching his 50s, he pushed off to a supervisory role at a construction site in Dubai. In those days Dubai was a centre of new growth in the real-estate business. Kurup was soon able to make good his debts and returned to India 6 years later, aged and sunburned but he had kept his word to Kanmani.
Related reading: Sankalp Sharma: My wife keeps me mentally motivated and strong
Finally they are now secure
His daughters now earned handsome salaries, and so did their husbands and the family is a strong unit – their ship sails steadily. Their grandchildren add to their joys and they delight in them. What could have devastated their family life now grew into a strong tree only because of the committed and steadfast ploughing through of tough times. It did not deter them and did not take away from the love and devotion they had for each other. Never have I heard either of them blaming each other and though others in the family muttered and mumbled, they never let anyone bring them down.
I think that love conquers all, and for many folks this belief in an outcome, which is positive, can drive them to manifest those miracles that they pray for. Endurance, optimism, a positive belief system is vital. Equanimity, and the resistance to negativity or fights or confrontational behaviour are very important to get over tough times.