Counselling

In abusive marriage and have no support

Question:

Dear Sir,

I need a right solution to my life…I am not able to decide what to do next. Mine is a love marriage. I left my family and against their wishes I ran away and married him. Though later my parents accepted it.

I came to know his true colours only after my marriage. He married me for my money, he used to scold me hurt my feelings and say that I ruined his life. I gave him 5 Lakhs but still he wants more money from me. I’m helpless because my parents and family still avoid after I decided to marry such a person against their better judgement. I am left with no option only to stay with him. He had a relation with his ex after marriage one day I came to know so we had an argument. I started asking him he had no answer, he started beating me and continued for two hours. He even kicked me with his foot. I took the pain and couldn’t share it with anyone. I gave a hint to my parents indirectly but they said you have to stay with him because if you leave him we need to answer many people, which we can’t do.

He left his job and as there is no income, I started working. I used to go at 8:30 am and come back at 8. As I worked hard, he started a relation with another girl. She called me up and told me the whole story. My heart was completely shattered with that news. I was really like ready to kill myself. I cried for many days and only I know how many sleepless nights I have had.

He now blames me that I ruined his life he lost his life because of me and my family. He calls me a failure a bitch because I spoiled his life. I love him so much that I argued and fought with my parents and came out from my house and married him. I complete four years of my marriage now. I can count on my fingers how many days I was happy and peaceful with him. If I argue with him, he blackmails me that he will commit suicide or will complain to my parents about what’s going on between us. I don’t want to make my parents feel sad or make them unhappy with what’s going on with my life because I love my parents I want them to be happy always at this old age. They struggled a lot to raise me so I can’t trouble them…whenever I go to them I pretend to be happy…I hide all my pain behind my smile… they will be happy seeing my smile… I want that…I don’t have money I don’t have any support… so please can you help me.

relationship counselling

Answer:

Dear Friend,

You ask for help. Do you mean it? What do you expect as help? Think.

Once you reflect, you shall be able to see that there is none but you, who can be of help to yourself.

It is sad to read your story but it is a very common story. Many married women live in misery, get abused and beaten by a husband who is rogue. They cry and suffer in silence and get accustomed to such a life.

Related reading: A dreamy love story that became a real-life nightmare

The excuse that parents shall get hurt is a hollow one. Do you think they are kids that they do not know what goes on in your life. Even if they have to feel hurt, is it not worth it? Would they be happy seeing your situation deteriorating day by day? Are their feelings more important than the sacrifice of your life?

Is it very difficult to be on your own and earn and feed yourself? Is it necessary to enjoy the suffering rather than being independent? Is it wise to be blackmailed by a useless husband who does not earn, has fun in extra marital relations and beats his wife only because she is stupid?

This is height of blurred vision. Height of lack of initiative. Height of absence of courage to manage own life. Women have gone to space, conquered Mount Everest, run companies and NGOs, helped others manage their lives. And we have a friend who is living in cave era, asking for help, within the cave.

Come out. Meet some people in women organisation. Seek help of a friend or a cousin you can trust. Do not cover up. Narrate your suffering. Get help.

My husband was almost twice my age and raped me every night

I love someone in an abusive marriage but she does not want to leave it

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consult here native

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