Relationships 101

12 things to know when you have an affair with a married woman

Affairs are as old as marriages and will stay right here as long as there are marriages.
cheating wife

I recently got involved in an extramarital affair with a married woman with two kids, and got out of it after 5 months of togetherness. You may ask, why would a man have an affair with a woman who is already with someone and has a home and a family? Well, there are times and a few situations when a man can really fall in love a married woman and the woman in question will return the love.

Moreover, dating a married woman is far intense and fulfilling than dating a young girl with less life experience to her credit.

During our time together, we got into a whole lot of chatting, meeting, hanging out and all and eventually she started confiding in me. And I was like, ‘Oh wow! A married woman likes me’ but I was wrong, the woman just didn’t like me, she confessed her love for me later. She was head over heels in love with me!

It did not matter to me that she was the woman of another man, and she had two kids and a family. Eventually, the affair ended and we split our ways. She went back to her family while I became a lonely man, who could not even discuss what I was going through with anyone.

The breakup was terrible and it hurt a lot, so I did my research on extramarital affairs and the why and how of their occurrence.

affair - cheating

The statistics on extramarital affairs

Amazingly, 40% of online affairs turn into real-time affairs1. Extramarital affairs are on the rise worldwide, and 36% of men and women admit to having an extramarital affair. That simply means 35 out of 100 women get into an extramarital relationship, for various reasons.

The first and foremost reason for a person to cheat is the desire to have an affair. The reasons may be anything from boredom to revenge or just plain experimentation, and surprisingly 57% of couples in India are already doing that 2.

Whatever the reason may be, being with a married woman is altogether different from being with an unmarried girl, the differentiator being experience and maturity level.

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12 things you should know while having an affair with a married woman

When you get involved with a women who is already married, you feel you are probably more desirable than her husband. It starts with emotional infidelity and ends up in the bed, you may be having the best sex with her. Plus, you may feel that she is not keen on a marriage unlike other single women and you can have good fun.

Slowly, feelings start to develop and you find it hard to accept that she is not ‘yours’. The earlier thrill fades away as you realise she meets you when she wants you, not the other way round. She spends all her time with her family, but has a quickie with you leaving you wanting her even more. And that’s why, you need to know the probable consequences of having an affair with a married woman,

1. She’s not going to leave her husband or break up her family

In the Indian context, a woman can rarely think of breaking her family and going for divorce, unless under extreme circumstances. Across the world, women find it hard to break their own homes and walk out of the marriage just because they get the thrill somewhere else.

Being a male, you should be aware of this fact and you may continue until she decides to end it due to certain emotional or family reasons.

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2. She may just be looking for revenge

Many married women take the route to having extramarital affairs if they suspect their husbands having one or have discovered the same. While having an affair with you, she may just be teaching a lesson to her husband. She may be feeling that she is giving her husband his own medicine while sleeping with you. Maybe, the great sex that you had was the beautiful revenge that she had on her husband.

3. She may be beating boredom or spicing up her life

After years of marriage, monotony sets in. But options are available. A routine sets in and sex becomes boring. A new person to share some feelings with and a passionate session of sex makes it look all exciting and happening.

So she may be just having fun, while you may assume she’s serious about the relationship.

sex and passion

4. Beware, the relationship may end any time

A relationship with a married woman is at her convenience. Because she’s hiding from her husband. She may end it if she develops a fear of getting caught. Or maybe, when she gets caught. Or if she’s just looking for some fun outside, she may leave you when she finds another option.

5. Be ready for the heartbreak

Because the woman you love will suddenly disappear any day it may be wise to know this and accept it. Research has it that only 7% of women walk away from their families to be with someone new. You can literally count your chances on fingers!

And if you are emotionally attached to the point of no return, God save you. The heartbreak will literally kill you.

Man sad after break up wants to date

6. Problems to create your own family

Men who get involved with married women feel they will leave their husband and start a family with them. This is a rare occurrence. And in waiting for this to happen, they let go of other options to settle down and have a family. Sometimes, the wait is so long that such men end up staying alone all their lives.

Never, never in any case imagine a future with her. Because women generally turn back to their family and saving it will be their first priority.

7. You are the second option

Her husband is her first priority. She might cancel plans in the end, just to be with her family and husband. Be ready for the ‘second fiddle’ stuff.

8. Family commitments first

You have planned a beautiful evening with her. But she says her kids want to watch a movie. Obviously, she will go for the movie and you will end up feeling what? Left out. It’s natural; a woman will give priority to her family.

9. She has sex with her husband too

You can’t rule this one out. No matter what she says, what happens behind that bedroom door stays there. While having sex with you, she may also be having sex with her husband.

And if she’s out to experience some fun outside the marriage, maybe a couple more partners. Make sure you use protection to avoid any kind of STDs.

10. Emotional manipulation/seeking a shoulder

If she’s complaining about her husband all the time and saying how inconsiderate he is, she may be just giving you a signal that she is available. Or may be she’s just seeking a shoulder to cry on.

11. She may miss her hubby while with you

While having an affair with you, she might feel guilty and miss her husband even more. Because she shares kids and a home with her husband she might feel like going back to her family. The initial phase of excitement of being with you wears out and she seems to worry about her family more.

Read the signs carefully.

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12. Dealing with the husband’s wrath

And if the husband caught her red-handed, you may be the subject of his wrath. Because no husband wants his wife to share bed with the ‘other man’. Moreover, he will direct all his anger towards you, sometimes manifesting in physical violence as well. You’d be better off if you join a self-defence course or are great at running!

Beware, the husband might do anything in his power.

Married women and extramarital relationships

Married women are getting more and more into extramarital affairs, and it’s mostly at work, thanks to the changing social dynamics like women participating more and more in the workforce, getting more involved in the social life and most importantly, the powerful presence of social media.

Additionally, women also have affairs because they want to experience the thrill in their lives, especially if they have married early. Some married women marry for convenience and look for warmth and affection out the marital relationships. Sometimes it is plain boredom that drives married women to seek pleasure and love out their marriage.

Whatever the reason, extramarital affairs have been rising and will continue to do so. And while men generally are believed to be the culprits, married women too seek pleasure, thrill and excitement outside their married life.

Having an affair with a married woman is not a good idea, but even then if you go ahead, be aware of the consequences.

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