I recently got involved in an extramarital affair with a married woman with two kids and got out of it after five months of togetherness. You may ask, why would a man have a relationship with a woman who is already with someone and has a home and a family? Well, there are times and a few situations when a man can fall in love with a married woman, and the woman in question will return the love. That’s when an affair with a married woman can happen. Moreover, dating a married woman is far more intense and fulfilling than dating a young girl with less life experience to her credit.
During our time together, we got used to spending a lot of time chatting, meeting, hanging out, and then, eventually, she started confiding in me. And I was ecstatic, thinking, “Oh wow! A married woman likes me.” But I was wrong, the woman just didn’t like me, she confessed her love for me later. She was head-over-heels in love with me! So my relationship with a married woman was fulfilling.
It did not matter to me that she was the woman of another man, and she had two kids and a family. Eventually, the affair ended, and we went our separate ways. She went back to her family while I became a lonely man, who could not even discuss what I was going through with anyone. This was the most difficult part of having an affair with a married woman.
The breakup was terrible, and it hurt a lot, so I did my research on extramarital affairs and the why and how of their occurrence.
The Statistics On Extramarital Affairs
During the course of my research, I found that I wasn’t an exception. An affair with a married woman is more common than we think. Amazingly, 40% of online affairs turn into real-time affairs1. Extramarital affairs are on the rise worldwide, and 36% of men and women admit to having an extramarital affair. That simply means 35 out of 100 women get into an extramarital relationship, for various reasons.
The first and foremost reason for a person to cheat is the desire to have an affair. The reasons may be anything from boredom to revenge or just understandable experimentation, and surprisingly 57% of couples in India are already doing that 2. So an affair with a married woman is something many single men are involved in.
Whatever the reason may be, being in a relationship with a married woman is altogether different from being with an unmarried girl, the differentiator being experience and maturity level.
15 Things You Should Know While Having An Affair With A married Woman
When you get involved with a woman who is already married, you feel you are probably more desirable than her husband. It starts with emotional infidelity and ends up in the bedroom as it might lead to you having the best sex with her. Plus, you may feel that she is not keen on marriage, unlike other single women, and you can have good fun without dodging questions of commitment.
Slowly, feelings start to develop, and you find it hard to accept that she is not ‘yours’. The initial thrill fades away as you realize she meets you when she wants you (or when she can), not the other way round. She spends all her time with her family but has a quickie with you leaving you wanting her even more.
And that’s why you need to know the probable consequences of having an affair with a married woman is that you will feel emotionally dissatisfied and will continuously find yourself craving her company.
1. She’s not going to leave her husband or break up her family
In the Indian context, a woman can rarely think of breaking her family and going for divorce unless under extreme circumstances. Across the world, women find it hard to break their own homes and walk out of the marriage just because they get the thrill somewhere else.
Being a male, you should be aware of this fact and you may continue until she decides to end it due to certain emotional or family reasons. When you are in an affair with a married woman you will be left to nurse a broken heart. However, don’t lose all hope. There are certain situations where an extramarital happily ever after does exist.
At the same time, it cannot be the presumed outcome of such a relationship. If you’re in love with a married woman, it’s best to have a frank conversation about whether you two ending up together is even a possibility for her. This will help you set expectations realistically.
2. She may just be looking for revenge
Many married women engage in an extramarital affair if they suspect their husband is having one or have discovered the same. While having an affair with you, she may just be using you to teach her husband a lesson. She may be feeling that she is giving her husband a taste of his own medicine while sleeping with you.
Maybe, the great sex that you had was part of the beautiful revenge she had planned for her husband. So your relationship with a married woman is a tool for revenge. Think long and hard about the nature of your relationship.
Did it begin as an emotional affair with a married woman and then turn physical? Or is it purely driven by lust? The answer will give you clarity on why a married woman is having an affair with you.
Related Reading: What Are The Consequences Of Affairs Between Married Couples?
3. She may be beating boredom or spicing up her life
After years of marriage, monotony sets in. But options are available. A routine sets in and sex becomes boring. A new person to share some feelings with and a passionate session of sex make it look exciting and happening again.
So she was maybe just having fun, while you may assume she’s serious about the relationship. Does she ask you to use sex toys? Is she very interested in experimenting even with the condoms you buy? She tries all kinds of seduction tricks on you from pouring hot chocolate sauce to licking ice cream off of you?
As mind-blowing as the sex may be, chances are she is just fulfilling her fantasies with you. You’re the exciting forbidden fruit that adds thrill to her otherwise plain and predictable life.
4. You are just an exciting chapter in the book of her life
A relationship with a married woman is at her convenience. Because she’s hiding from her husband. She may end it if she develops a fear of getting caught. Or maybe, when she gets caught. Or if she’s just looking for some fun outside, she may leave you when she finds another option or gets bored of her affair the way she did with her husband.
This uncertainty can also keep you hooked to this relationship with a married woman and make you desire her more. However, this momentary thrill can lead to a lifetime of scarring. So, it’s best to enter the affair, knowing that it can end at any point in time.
5. Be ready for the heartbreak
Because the woman you love will suddenly disappear any day it may be wise to know this and accept it. Research has it that only 7% of women walk away from their families to be with someone new. You can count your chances on your fingers.
And if you are emotionally attached to the point of no return, God help you. When she pulls back, you may be left feeling like the heartbreak will kill you. Yes, if you’re truly in love with a married woman and she doesn’t see a future with you, you have to brace yourself for intense, crippling pain. You might find it hard to recover from your affair with a married woman.
6. Problems to build your own family
Men who get involved with married women feel their partners will leave their husbands and start a family with them. This is a rare occurrence. And in waiting for this to happen, they let go of other options to settle down and have a family. Sometimes, the wait is so long that such men end up staying alone all their lives.
Never, in any case, imagine a future with her. Because women generally turn back to their family and saving it will be their priority. “I’m seeing a married woman and it’s good while it lasts but it may not last forever,” remind yourself of this every single day so that you don’t lose sight of reality in the throes of emotions.
7. You are the second option
Her husband is her priority. She might cancel plans with you if she needs to be with her family or husband. Be ready for the ‘second fiddle’ stuff in your affair with a married woman.
We know of someone who was having an affair with a married woman and had a romantic evening planned with private dining arrangements along with flowers and champagne only to have her cancel on him at the last minute. She texted him five minutes before they were supposed to meet that she wouldn’t be able to make it as her husband brought home pizza and wanted to do a movie night with the kids.
So, even when what you have planned sounds more fun and appealing, she will always pick her family. When she calls you, sounding sorry and crestfallen, and says, “Baby, I want nothing more than to be with you right now but I can’t risk my husband getting suspicious”, what can you even do except being understanding.
Related Reading: My Husband Is Impotent And I Am Having An Affair With Someone Else
8. Family commitments first
You have planned a beautiful evening with her. But she says her kids want to watch a movie. She will go to the cinema, and you will end up feeling what? Left out. It’s natural; a woman will give priority to her family. In an extramarital affair, you will have to make the compromise most of the time.
That’s why getting too closely attached to your partner can lead to immense and repeated disappointments and hurt. Even if you’re in an emotional affair with a married woman and love her deeply, learn to protect yourself.
9. She has sex with her husband too
You can’t rule this one out. No matter what she says, what happens behind that bedroom door stays there. While having sex with you, she may also be having sex with her husband. Being in a relationship with a married woman means saying goodbye to all the norms of exclusivity that you have been conditioned to believe in.
You have to make your peace with the fact that she is sexually intimate with another man, and perhaps, sleeps with him more often than she does with you. This can lead to jealousy rearing its ugly head in an affair with a married woman, and ‘do not ask, do not tell’ is the best policy to keep those unpleasant feelings of jealousy, insecurity and possessiveness out of the equation.
And if she’s out to experience some fun outside the marriage, they may be a couple more partners too. Make sure you use protection to avoid any kind of STDs.
10. Emotional manipulation/seeking a shoulder
If she’s complaining about her husband all the time and saying how inconsiderate he is, she may be just giving you a signal that she is available. Or maybe she’s just seeking a shoulder to cry on. In your relationship with a married woman, you have to be aware of that.
You must remember that a marriage is a powerful bond, and even though she may be unhappy with her husband now, things will get better. Remember to criticize her husband as little as possible. If possible, ask her to keep you out of her marital troubles.
Even if you want to be a supportive partner to her, then hear her out, be empathetic, compassionate and supportive of her struggles but without venturing into the space of husband bashing.
11. She may miss her hubby while with you
While having an affair with you, she might feel guilty and miss her husband even more. Because she shares kids and a home with her husband, she might feel like going back to her family. The initial phase of the excitement of being with you wears out and she seems to worry about her family more.
Read the signs carefully. When you are having Thai food does she suddenly say her husband loves it? When you tell her she is looking stunning in a dress, very nonchalantly she will tell you, it’s an anniversary gift from her husband. What does this say? She is always thinking of her husband.
12. Dealing with the husband’s wrath
And if the husband caught her red-handed, you may be the subject of his wrath. Because no husband wants his wife to share a bed with the ‘other man’. Moreover, he will direct all his anger toward you, sometimes manifesting in physical violence as well. You’d be better off if you join a self-defense course or are great at running.
This will be the first thing that would come in handy if you are having an affair with a married woman. Even if things don’t escalate to that extent, you cannot rule out the possibility that her husband might do anything in his power to get back at you. For instance, if you’re having an affair with a married woman at the workplace, he could get HR involved and mess things up in your professional life.
Other than that, from smearing your name on social media to badmouthing you in front of people you may know in common, the reactions can be extreme and with far-reaching consequences. So, beware!
13. She’ll struggle with conflicting emotions
Whether it’s an emotional affair with a married woman or a physical one, whether she is cheating with you online or IRL, expect a lot of emotional turmoil in the relationship. While she may have genuine feelings for you, the cheating guilt will get the better of her every now and again.
Yes, even if your affair with a married woman stems from her being caught in an unhappy or unfulfilling marriage, she will still be torn between wanting to be with you and doing right by her spouse. This can lead to a lot of hot-and-cold dynamics that can take a toll on your mental health and well-being.
Related Reading: We Had A Loyal Relationship But My Wife Was Diagnosed With An STD
14. “What are we?” You’ll never know
Another tricky aspect of being in a relationship with a married woman is that the ‘what are we?’ conversation will never have a conclusive outcome. Even if you’re madly in love with a married woman and she, you, the moral compass we’re conditioned to abide by will stop her just short of going all in.
You will have to get used to radio silence or evasive responses, every time you say ‘I love you’ to her. If you ask her how she feels about you, she may become withdrawn and distant. This can come as a huge blow to your self-esteem and can forever alter the way you behave in future intimate connections.
The consequences of an affair with a married woman can linger on long after the relationship has ended. So, it’s absolutely vital that you get into a relationship with a married woman with both eyes open and find ways to protect yourself.
15. Be prepared to be dropped like a hot potato
An affair with a married woman yields no stability. One moment, you may be thinking, “I’m seeing a married woman, and it’s going great. I see a future with her,” and the next, she could be having the “I can’t do this anymore” conversation with you.
Given the baggage she comes with, it’s best to take the one-day-at-a-time approach in your relationship with a married woman. Don’t get sucked in too deep or start making plans of a happily-ever-after with her. When push comes to shove, in all probability, she WILL choose her husband and family over you.
Married Women And Extramarital Relationships
Married women are getting more and more into extramarital affairs, and it’s mostly at work, thanks to the changing social dynamics like women participating more and more in the workforce, getting more involved in the social life and most importantly, the powerful presence of social media.
Additionally, women also have affairs because they want to experience the thrill in their lives, especially if they have married early. Some married women marry for convenience and look for warmth and affection in marital relationships. Sometimes it is plain boredom that drives married women to seek pleasure and love outside their marriage.
Whatever the reason, extramarital affairs have been rising and will continue to do so. And while men generally are believed to be the culprits, married women too seek pleasure, thrill and excitement outside their married life. Having an affair with a married woman is not a good idea, but even then if you go ahead, be aware of the consequences.