When I was planning to get a divorce, never did I think I would ever say things like, “Oh no, I made a mistake and I want him back”. Or telling my friends that I regret divorcing my husband and miss him dearly. It had been a rough marriage, and when I left that house, I heaved a sigh of relief that I was finally closing that abysmal chapter of my life.
But things took a turn a while later, and I stopped feeling like myself. I realized that life was indeed much rosier with my husband around and began to miss him immensely.
I Filed For Divorce And Now I Regret It
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So here’s my story from the very beginning. Before the thoughts of ‘I want my husband back’, started circling in my head, I was convinced that I wanted to be happily single in life. It all seemed so clear in my head then but life had other plans for me.
Dialing the story back to before the divorce, like any other day, he slammed the main door behind him and left for work, but today I had different plans. I’d had enough of him, or rather we’d had enough of each other. One more day together, and both or at least one of us would have completely lost it.
Without any further delay, I called up his mom to inform her that I was done with her son and was leaving immediately. Within an hour I’d had checked into a hotel close to our house. Then I called my parents and told them about my decision too.
I moved back home into my parents’ house in Portland, Oregon. I knew life wasn’t going to be easy here after having lived in Seattle for so long. It was a sigh of relief when my little nieces welcomed me! It felt good to be back in that noisy house.
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I regret divorcing my husband
My parents, sister and cousin, without exception, were quiet, no questions asked. They are my people and knew that I had a mind of my own. But calls from my difficult mother-in-law kept pouring in almost every day till she yielded to the idea that her son had separated from his wife.
Two months passed without any conversation between us. Common friends kept us updated about each other but I was not too interested, let alone thinking, “I want him back”. It felt impossible back then.
My status, state of mind, hairstyle and dressing style had changed but what hadn’t changed was that I was done with him.
Leaving my husband was a mistake
When I saw him on Facebook enjoying a vacation in Jamaica with his family, I took the opportunity and in his absence from Seattle, went back to our old house and collected all my belongings. As I turned the key of my ex-home, to my surprise, I was numb.
The guest bedroom was his bedroom now, the master one was locked and nothing had been moved at all. The layers of dust all over spoke volumes about our tattered and frazzled relationship. I guess personalizing a new home was supposed to give us both a fresh start.
The divorce was inevitable now. I filed it and it was obviously mutual. Conversations through email couldn’t be avoided. The date was fixed for the first hearing, and I was looking forward to freedom.
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I Want Him Back
I reached the court on time and was called to sign first but couldn’t see him anywhere. I learnt that he’d arrived much before time and was waiting outside. I felt relieved; was it the happiness of gaining freedom or seeing him after four long months? The dilemma was cleared when I realized that I had already signed my divorce petition; yes, it was my day, the first step to my liberation from the man I hated.
As I turned my head, he stood there in his favorite pair of jeans and a shirt he always loved. From the corner of my eye, I saw him make his scrawled signature. And at that moment, I burst out crying all of a sudden. But why? This was what I had been waiting for, and it was happening. I was getting my freedom. But I was crying like a toddler after losing her favorite toy.
He took me in his arms as close as he could and murmured, ”Babe, you are my love and shall always remain so but if my presence bothers you, I accept losing you as my destiny.”
I want him back but I messed up
I could feel warm tears on my bare neck. Soon he released me and looked at me with his infectious smile. He assured me that he would never ever trouble me again or come in my way. But I knew that I wanted him back in my life forever. I knew that leaving my husband was a mistake.
My stubbornness melted, while my heart was, as ever, his. The icing on the cake was when, in his normal manly tone, he blurted out, “In your absence I’ve become wiser but not intelligent, I still remember you taught me how to write my first email in college and every time I typed one, I missed you, my mentor.” We had a hearty laugh. That’s when I realized how badly I want him back, but I had messed up.
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We are together now
The rest of the day was spent at our favorite restaurant in Seattle, discussing and finding solutions to all our problems. I went back home to Portland the next day after spending another evening with him.
My Adam arrived in his car on December 30 to take me back home with him. My grandma, parents and sister had no clue what was going on. With my backpack on my shoulder I bid adieu to my awestruck family and jumped into his car beside him.
It’s been two years now. Just like before, we love, joke, have fun, argue but never in our dreams can we think of anything like separation and divorce. Leaving my husband was a mistake. We only needed a little time and space in a relationship to think.
I consider myself extremely lucky to be accepted back with open arms by him and his family. Why I behaved like this still remains a mystery; what I needed was just a break from him for a few days. Maybe it was a hormonal imbalance that caused this fiasco. I regret divorcing my husband but I’m glad I made the right call at the right time to fix it.
As told to Chitra Vashisht
FAQs
A survey determined that 40% of divorcing couples are actually interested in restoring their marriage again.
Absolutely. You spent a big chunk of your life loving someone and when that goes awry, it can be hard to be single and alone again. You might miss them terribly and say to yourself, ‘I really want him back in my life’. That is only normal but it is important you take the right decision for yourself after it. Is it worth getting back together or is it just a bout of loneliness making you feel this way?
Because it is like accepting defeat on a relationship that you spent so hard working on. You spent so many days creating a happy marriage but now it has gone to ashes. While it could be the right decision in the long run, it makes one feel empty and hurt in that moment.
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I feel the same! Now I am all alone!