Counselling

Am I wrong to love a married man?

He married under family pressure and is unhappy in his marriage. We still love one another
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Question:

Respected Madam,

I want to share my feelings to know if I am doing any wrong. Two and a half years ago I got to know a guy from a matrimonial website. He sent me an interest and I accepted, but at that time another alliance was going on so didn’t pay much heed to him even though he tried to interact.

The on-going alliance didn’t work out and this guy messaged me on Friendship Day. As a friend I started chatting with him. Shortly we shared our numbers. Months passed, we started liking each other. Or rather we both fell for each other.

I urged him to speak with his guardian if we can go ahead, but he didn’t pay much attention. One fine day I really got angry and told him to speak to his mom about us. He said his mother has seen someone for him from acquaintances and she can’t say no to them abruptly.

Again a month passed. On 31st of December, he said “I want to confess something.” He said his marriage has been fixed before he even started interaction with me. Hearing this I was really hurt but couldn’t take my steps back, neither could he.

Due to family pressure, he was helpless and married the girl of his family’s choice. He didn’t let me know as I would be hurt. He didn’t upload pics of marriage, neither did he change his DP or cover picture as newlyweds do.

I knew that I pull back, as he is married now, but believe me I couldn’t. We haven’t met each other yet, but we have an amazing bond of affection. I know he will never be mine, but we both love each other a lot.

He does all his responsibilities towards his wife and keeps her happy, but that lady irritates him in every way possible! He even says his life has become hell marrying her. He’s in a situation where he can’t leave her either. I try to give him mental emotional support and we love each other the most.

Now my question is, am I doing wrong? Is loving a person who can’t be mine wrong? I loved him when I didn’t know the truth. I know he lied many times, but still I couldn’t step back. Am I doing wrong to that lady? I haven’t touched him or seen him either. What I have is pure love for him, so does he!

relationship counselling

Related reading: Questions to ask yourself when you’re falling for a married man

Snigdha Mishra says:

Dear Ms. Pure love,

Boohoo for him… Poor man how helpless is he and how helpless are you. Poor you two, who’ve fallen for each other and can’t be married.

This may sound rude to you. But, it was important to jolt you out of the slumber that you’re in. No one can tell you if you’re wrong or right. Except you yourself.

You need to decide and figure out what your relationship goals are and if they are being fulfilled by this guy. I mean this sounds like a school romance where two teenagers are hiding from the world and talking over the phone and declaring their love. This is the grown-up world!

Answer the following questions for yourself, keeping yourself in mind and not that guy.

1. Do you want to be in a relationship with a married man?

2. Do you want to be in this hidden relationship?

3. What are the benefits of this relationship?

And most importantly, girl, this man of yours, who’s happily married, seriously seems to be making a fool of you. His family forced him to marry? Like seriously? Did they tie him up and make him sit there?

And the old story of ‘my wife is very bad and my marriage is an unhappy one. You’re the only one for me’. If you’re the only one for him, why doesn’t he divorce his wife and marry you? Simple.

Please wake up and smell the beans.

I hope this has helped you understand the soup you’ve landed yourself in.

All the best! Do write back if you need further help.

Snigdha

Can’t marry my boyfriend as I am scared of my mom

Kangana Ranaut on extramarital affairs: “I have not yet met a happy married man in my life.”

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