Throwback to those sleepless nights of 2011. I still remember those nights when it was all pink, cosy, romantic and beautiful. There used to be love in the air irrespective of the weather – sunny, cloudy or windy because both of us had confessed our feelings to each other. Back then nobody mattered to us. Nothing else bothered us.
It’s been over six years now. Today we are no more in love with each other, not in touch, haven’t talked that much in one year and we both don’t care. Maybe I don’t care. And that’s because I’ve had my share of pain from this relationship. Our old school friendship transformed into an intense and passionate relationship even before I realized. I couldn’t make him stay even though I wanted. I was lost in our memories when my phone’s screen flashed.
“Hey buddy, it’s me Parth. Am in the city for some work. Let’s catch up over lunch today. Am coming to pick you up okay?” Now that’s one of my good friends, Parth, who doesn’t let anyone speak and sometimes I also think he likes to gossip like girls.
Parth is getting married to his girlfriend Neha, in near future. I could see a ring on his finger. I was happy to see him finding love in life and finally settling for it. We finished lunch and we’re going back home. Seeing him happy that way made me out of place. Weird! Obviously I was happy for my friend. But it just reminded me of everything I had with my guy. It felt so painful to call him my ex now.
He realized I was lost. He stopped the car, looked at me and said, “Is it him? Is he troubling you?” I didn’t say anything but just nodded. He held my hand, looked me in the eye and said, “Letting go is the best solution. Don’t hold back whatever you have for him, whatever you feel for him. Do what makes him happy. Eventually you will have to let him go. He’s not your property. He is happy in his life, doesn’t want you and never contacts you. You had said once that you gave in the space that he asked for, then why the hell are you doing this to yourself? Get over with it dear.”
With teary eyes, I said, “I know but he still affects me. Can’t help it. Am much stronger person now than I used to be back in 2011. I’ve always wanted to see him happy and I’ll do everything possible to keep that smile intact on his face. He has changed me in a way that nobody else has ever had. But I’ll be fine with time.” And before I could say more, he interrupted, “Buddy if you leaving him makes him happy, just do it. Think of the greater good. Do it for his happiness.”
My phone rang again for the third time. I didn’t answer it because I didn’t want my mother to know that I was crying. I just said, “You’re right. There’s no greater agony and ecstasy to see that one person happy, healthy and doing good in his life who meant the world to you once and whom you loved with all your heart.”
Wiping off my tears and mascara, I bid Parth goodbye and thereafter I stared at the ceiling till next day morning.
Once again sleepless night!Published in