My arranged marriage is not working out but our families want us to reconcile

by Kavita Panyam
sad woman not talking with man

Question:

Hello ma’am,

I am 34 years old and got married an year ago. Though it was an arranged marriage, there have been a lot of differences of opinion with regard to customs between my family and theirs. And moreover, my husband is educated but still believes in old school things. I have coped and managed. His mom has an obsession of cleaning, so in spite of doing the best, with a helpless mama’s boy, things have turned sour, leading to a bitter spat resulting in separation.

Personally also I have not had any good relationship with my husband in terms of companionship, as he eventually developed a lot of hatred, anger and resentment towards me.

I expected him at 40 to accept me as I am, but he displayed a lack of maturity and sensibility in handing this.

After the separation, with efforts of family members, a reconciliation has been arranged.

Personally, for the time I have spent with him and his inherent nature, I really do not think I will have a future with him and I don’t want to. This might sound stubborn, but it is what I have become even if it means to face all fronts alone in future.

I am not sure if I should give it a try or stick to my convictions.

Please help.

relationship counselling

Kavita Panyam says:

Dear Lady,

Your mail is incomplete in some aspects as it does not speak about your contribution to themess you find yourself in.You seem to have strong and rigid opinions about others. Surely, the others may be holding some about you too. And that may bother you.The elders at your home should have checked the details of the family as in customs, background and other important areas before giving the final nod.The older generation is quite steadfast in their approach towards life. The initial years of any marriage may be turbulent to a certain extent as adjustments take place.

Your best is your view, and may not be according to their expectations. Accepting you as you are is a huge expectation you have here. Have you been able to accept your husband as he is? You have used strong words for your husband which may not have gone down well with him obviously. No one likes to be ridiculed. He would not be at ease with you due to this.

What is your inherent nature? That others rally around you while you watch? Any relationship is built over time more so in arranged marriages.

Being stubborn is both positive and negative based on the situation. Looks like you have decided to exit as per your mail. But you must know that you are likely to carry this baggage into other future relationships as well.You need to think well and understand yourself instead of judging and labelling others as then, any decision taken by you may not be an impulsive one.

All the best

Kavita

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