Relationships are no walk in the park. When you love someone, you love them with all you have. If all that effort and all that love then go down the drain when your partner cheats on you, would you be willing to let them back in? In my relationship, I can honestly say I’ve been through hell and back. The betrayal of trust I experienced was something I never thought I’d have to go through.
In the thick of it, it felt as though my life had been snatched away from me. I reacted much like everyone else would, but I then asked myself, “Could there be a reason behind this?”
As a stern believer in the fact that everything happens for a reason, I took the time out to find the learning behind the betrayal I had gone through. I’ve been through hell and back in my relationship, read on to find out how it all went down.
Been Through Hell And Back — My Story
I am a 40-year-old businessman. My father was in the army and my mother used to be a housewife. My father, a strict disciplinarian, somehow always made me feel inadequate during my childhood and in later years. Mother was a very loving person who took good care of me. Unfortunately, I lost her after an illness. That’s when my much younger sister was sent to live with my aunt. My father, then in his 40s, was greatly admired for his decision not to remarry.
My father took premature retirement and started a business. After college, I joined in. The business of making me feel inadequate continued even at work. It felt as though in his eyes, I had never grown up. My degrees counted for nothing and the taunts and belittlement I suffered from him never stopped.
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I went through similar things with him all my life, so after a point in time, I pretty much shrugged it off. I figured it’s his way of establishing power and control and he thrives off it. Being in the army, managing soldiers and having them at his beck and call was a regular day at the office for him. Even though the taunts hurt, I did not pay much heed to them.
I felt better when I got married. We had a great courtship and felt we were genuinely in love. I always felt we were a match made in heaven. We did things happy couples do. She is a professional, much more confident than I am. She used to always motivate and pep me up. We had a nice time in bed too. I always tried to help her achieve satisfaction whenever we had sex.
How my trust was betrayed
Everything seemed perfect in my relationship. We got along well, and I never thought that in a few month’s time I’d be saying something like “I’ve been through hell and back”. It felt like the stuff of dreams, I was in love.
Imagine my shock when, 6 months back, I came to know of her affair with an old school friend of hers. The affair had begun two years ago. She lied to me and met him and even had sex with him on her annual visits to her parent’s home. I had no idea she was capable of hurting me like that! Rebuilding trust with my cheating wife seemed impossible upon hearing what she had done.
But there was more. After some pressuring, she revealed that she had even had an affair with my father. This had started after our first child was born and had continued for a few years. We had moved in with my father around this time and they had continued the affair, under the same roof. I had once got suspicious but she had strongly rebutted it. I did not doubt her again.
Now she says that while initially she was infatuated by him, later he exploited her, boasting that he’d had sex with several married ladies of our acquaintance.
Trying to find my way back from hell
Predictably, I was grief-struck beyond belief. I couldn’t wrap my head around what was happening with me, to our children. Shattered, I asked my father to leave home and business. For the past month, I have allowed him to rejoin business but not to stay with us at home. A few close relatives know, but such is the audacity of my father, he still does not admit to any wrongdoing.
For me, the last six months have been full of turmoil, doubts about myself and my whole philosophy of life. She says she never wanted to leave me and does not know why she did what she did. All she says is that it was her fault and that I was blameless. I was on the brink of a breakup several times but did not take the step because my wife bore all my abuse but refused to leave me. I was trying to forgive my cheating partner.
I realize that though I consider myself a mature and rational person, I also made some impulsive decisions, which in hindsight were avoidable. If ever you face such a situation, expect your mind to go into overdrive but don’t do anything drastic. I really pushed my wife but she bore my rantings with tenacity.
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Everything happens for a reason
The affair has ended. We are trying to make it work. My children are vulnerable and their future will be affected severely if we break up and they learn the truth about their mother. Why should they pay for her infidelity? Even though I have doubts about having fathered them, I just can’t destroy their lives for no fault of theirs.
It isn’t easy to let your partner back into your life after your trust has been betrayed to such an extent. I’ve been through hell and back in my relationship, and forgiving my partner was not an easy thing to do. When you’ve been betrayed by people who are so close to you, just being able to accept it happened can take a toll on you.
To my children and to outsiders, we look like a normal family but there are times when my heart cries tears of blood at the betrayal by two of the closest people in my life. Yet, I am trying my best to find a renewed purpose in my life as I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason.
I think this trauma is part of divine learning. I had to undergo all this to learn the values of forgiveness, patience, love, gratitude and more. Life is too precious to waste or to lose prematurely.