You have been having constant fights. You have realized that you both have gone in different directions and have different aspirations. So, instead of staying in an unhappy relationship, you think it’s better to break up. But how to break up with your girlfriend without hurting her?
There is no particular answer to this question and it is definitely very hard to get over someone you love deeply. But sometimes a breakup is better than an unhappy relationship.
You cannot break up with your girlfriend for no reason. In fact, you should check if your relationship is worth saving but often there are valid reasons for a relationship to end and there is no point carrying around the carcass of the relationship.
But is it possible to break up nicely with someone? Avoid the mess and heartbreak that comes with a breakup? If your relationship hasn’t been going that well lately it is natural that you may be thinking about ending it. However, for many guys out there, breaking up with your girlfriend may be one of the toughest things that you can think of. So, what’s the right way? Should you do it in person? Should you do it over text? What should you say? Read on to find out.
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How To Break Up With Your Girlfriend – The Right Way
It’s hard to break up with a girlfriend who loves you. You might still love her too, but you want to take this step to ensure your future good. When you are breaking up with someone you shared romantic moments with and shared the highs and lows in your life with, just sending a text and saying, “It’s over” is the most ugly thing to do. So one must figure out the correct way of how to break up with your girlfriend to minimize the pain of it all.
You leave them without closure and grappling with unprocessed hurt. For the same reason, ghosting is not an option ever. If you had a good relationship at one point of time and want to have an amicable separation then there are some steps you need to take.
1. Know the right reason
One of the correct ways to break up is to offer her the right reason. It may be so that you always saw this as a casual relationship and now you are just bored.
But you owe your girlfriend a better explanation than that. Think about the reasons you want to break up and the signs why you should break up should be clearly defined. Do you want completely different things in life? Are you not compatible with each other? Do you fight with each other all the time?
Pinpoint the right reason and tell her what is not working in the relationship. Don’t tell her just once and leave. Have a few discussions over this to make her understand your point and see her viewpoint too.
2. Have a closure meeting
A closure meeting is needed when you break up. It could become messy, she might cry, blame you, scream at you but you have to be ready to handle that.
You owe this much to her. She might ask you the same questions again and again and you need to answer those as many times calmly. Needless to say, the right way to break up with your girlfriend is doing it in person.
Find a quiet place away from the crowd. It can be a quiet park or in your living room. Ensure that there are no distractions around so that you can say whatever you meant to say. It’s always better not to do it in restaurants even if it’s a quiet one since it might turn out to be embarrassing if your girlfriend starts crying or worse still, lashing out at you.
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3. Be straightforward
When breaking up with your girlfriend, it’s always better to come straight to the point. There is no point in dragging matters or being vague once you have already decided to break up.
She will still hate you for breaking up, but at least you will retain some respect for having the guts to say what you really mean.
Maybe not in the moment but later when she is in better state of mind she would thank you for your honesty and will respect you for that.
4. Give her fillers
Do not spring a surprise on her by sending a breakup text or just telling her over the phone it’s all over. She is also aware that the relationship has changed and it is not the same anymore. She has probably sensed it over time too.
When you have talks with her, find out how she feels if you two decide to go your separate ways. She might turn out to be a clingy girlfriend and not understand at all what you are trying to say. Or she might be sensible enough to understand your point of view on why the relationship is not working anymore.
You might be shifting base and feel that a long-distance relationship will not work for you or you might have been living together and have realized that you cannot marry her because you are incompatible. Whatever the reason might be, how to break up with your girlfriend is not about throwing the news onto her but about gradually bringing her to an understanding.
5. Do not blame her
You might find her to be a control freak or manipulative but when you decide to break up with her, do not give that as the sole reason and blame her for the relationship not working. Blame shifting is the most hideous thing to do.
If you break up with a girlfriend who loves you, give her this much of dignity and respect for her love. No one is perfect and in a relationship, two people are equally responsible for it.
Make a checklist in your mind about the things not working out instead of harping on what she did and how you can’t take it anymore.
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6. Do not involve friends
Chances are you used to hang out with the same group of friends and you went around telling them that you are fed up with your relationship hoping that someone would tell your girlfriend how you feel.
This is the nastiest thing to do. As soon you involve friends and expect them to help spearhead your breakup you are doing the meanest thing possible.
Involving friends might make things messy. Once you have broken up, you can keep them informed and decide on how you want to continue the friendship since they are common friends; beyond that, keep your breakup a private affair.
7. Maintain the no contact rule
How to break up with your girlfriend? You might tell her that you want to opt out of the relationship and she might take it amicably but what then? Do you promise to stay friends after that or do you go for the no contact rule?
The no contact rule is far better because otherwise she will find it hard to get over you. Your girlfriend might end up sending you drunken texts or call you at the middle of the night to tell you that she is missing you. What do you do then?
To avoid such a situation let her know that you would keep her number blocked because you need to adhere to the no contact rule.
8. Stick to your decision
If you are thinking how to break up with your girlfriend without hurting her then we would say stick to your decision.
If she cries and gets upset then don’t keep telling her “I am always there for you” because you won’t be. Many people get stuck in the vicious cycle of breaking up and coming back together only to break up again. Avoid that.
Breadcrumbing in a relationship is the most horrible thing to do. Sending out flirty texts to gauge how your girlfriend still feels is inhuman.
You need to be strong and stick to what you decided, even though sometimes it might be easier to call her or reach out to her.
Related Reading: First Breakup – 11 Ways To Deal With It
9. Breaking up over text
How to break up with your girlfriend over text? Breaking up over text is something many people end up doing. This is regarded as a cool way by many millennials to say goodbye.
If your relationship was really nascent, just a couple of months old and you both were not that madly involved in it, then texting a breakup message is still okay. It allows you to dodge the questions or the messy interaction.
But if it’s a longer relationship then breaking up over text with your girlfriend is unacceptable.
10. Avoid sleeping with her
This is something many people end up doing. You might have had fantastic sexual compatibility but you lacked emotional intimacy.
So, even after you have decided to breakup you continue a friends-with-benefits relationship. This is a horrible thing to do and you are just taking advantage of her feelings and her inability to let go. Trust us, you are putting yourself up for a lot of complication and heartache.
How to break up with your girlfriend and making sure to do it the right way is never easy but if you follow these steps then you can make it a less messy affair. You can try to break up with your girlfriend without hurting her.
It is hard to break up with someone you still love but if you feel that it is a must that the relationship should end and it would save you future heartache then you can follow the steps we mentioned and initiate a breakup.
Definitely you can break up with someone respectfully. Do not argue or blame your girlfriend for the split. Harp on her good points but say how the relationship isn’t working anymore.
If you dump her over text or dump her in a long-distance relationship you are pushing her into a terrible mental state. But if you meet her and have a heart-to-heart talk she might feel better that you gave her closure.
Decide on a breakup only when you are totally sure that the relationship is not working at all. But once you have decided stick to it. Don’t keep breadcrumbing.