Question:
Dear Ma’am,
I am a 38-year-old married woman with two children. My husband does business. Last July, he had incurred a huge loss in lakhs. That affected him deeply and he stopped concentrating on our married life and our children. I was depressed. Being a Christian, I used to go to Church. One day the head priest saw me crying and he learnt the reason. He consoled me. All this happened in August. From then on, he used to chat with me at night. At times both of us flirted with each other. All his messages comforted me so much. But this was found out by my husband. He was furious. So I had to break the relationship with the priest, who also came to know about the fight between my husband and myself and withdrew himself. Sometimes I used to call and speak with him, sometimes I try to chat, but he rarely responds to me now. I miss his concern for me.
Please help me to overcome thoughts of him. I try to concentrate on my family but still I end up thinking of him… Help me overcome it please.
Related reading: The uncomfortable love of Brahma and Saraswati
Prachi Vaish says:
Dear Lady,
Thank you for sharing your pain with me. I can understand the ache you’re feeling for him. Once we get used to having someone in our life and if we have to abruptly rip that relationship apart, it feels like an [restrict]addiction withdrawal. But I want you to know that this is exactly what it is. An addiction to his attention.
Thankfully, the priest seems like a thorough gentleman, to have stepped back as soon as he learned of your conflict with your husband.
Here, for a minute I’d also like you to think of things from your husband’s perspective. At a time when he was struggling in life on his own, he finds that his partner was with someone else. This must have hurt him on two simultaneous levels. I think you have received a great opportunity to rebuild things in your family which a lot of people don’t get.
The void you are feeling for the priest is also real and believe me if you just give it a while, it will fade. It is a combination of hormones and the habituation of proximity. These emotions are temporary. I’m not saying what you had with him wasn’t real, but it was also temporary. I suggest you lock up those memories in a box in your heart, throw away the key, take a deep breath and turn a new chapter in your marriage. I’m right here if you need regular help. Wish you all the best!
Prachi
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