Emotional fidelity is far more revealing of a relationship

Journalist Jairaj Singh tackles a few tricky questions about marriage, fidelity and the like

Team Bonobology | Posted on 30 Jan 2016
Emotional fidelity is far more revealing of a relationship

Do you think that love is a valid reason for marriage? Do you think love is permanent?

Love is a valid reason, but not the only thing for marriage.
The permanency of love is debatable. In the sense, it is always open to interpretation and cannot be solely weighed by the mere intensity of it.
 
Do you think that the way you feel love towards your partner has changed over the years?
Always. Love, like a river, has a course.
 
Do you view marriage, as we currently know it, as an institution to be preserved, or do you feel that it should change with the times? What changes would you recommend?
Not sure. I think marriages have changed quite a bit, become rather evolved. Yet, I feel we shouldn’t touch with the institution, but leave it to couples to chart their own destiny.
  
How do you see
impermanence of love and permanence of marriage coming together?
By being expressive and understanding the other’s needs and wants and follies with the utmost sensitivity.
 
What does 'giving space' in a relationship mean to you?
Allowing one the moment of complete introspection. Not giving into what gets channeled in the heat of the moment.
 
Do you think that maintaining privacy has
place in a committed relationship?
Sometimes, sometimes not.
   
Now that you look back what do you think are the biggest mistakes you made in your relationship? Talk about the ones that had a deep impact. What would you do differently now? If given a choice what would you change about your relationship and why?
Not given them enough time to mature.
 
What do you fear most about your relationship? Are there conflicts that you've avoided in the relationship? What do you fear would happen if you confronted them?
It’s a bit of a Catch-22 situation. Essentially, the fear that you’ll end up regretting something. As someone said, “Don’t put all your eggs in one bastard.”
 
Numerous studies maintain that human beings are not meant to be monogamous yet we all crave for it. What do you feel about it?
Monogamy 
adds permanency in one’s relationship.
 
Fidelity.... the much-talked about
term, what does it mean to you? Emotional/ physical fidelity which is more important to you and why?
One should not confuse physical fidelity with emotional fidelity as most people do. Emotional fidelity, I feel, is far more revealing of a relationship. Physical, one should review with utmost care.
 
Is it possible to have a committed relationship not defined by sexual fidelity?
Yes. One should take 
note from most homosexual relationships.
  
Do you think, “One must be able to accept a husband's casual infidelity” and “One must be able to accept a wife's casual
infidelity.” Why? Why not?
Yes. But not without caution. 

What kills desire in marriage? What is the relationship between desire and love in marriage?
Desire, I think, fuels the love. Without it, you feel a void, and perhaps things are not right.
 
Women are challenging the patriarchal view of sexuality at the same time they are expressing and asserting their own self-defined sexual rights and needs. Do you agree? Please expand. 
I agree. These are diabolical times.Lot of accepted social structures need to be challenged. 

Are Indian men good lovers? Democratic in sex?
Why not?

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Sucheta Chaturvedi: Loved the line - Love, like a river, has a course.

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