Have you ever seen a dog chasing a garbage van? He runs miles from home in hope of stopping the van, but the van continues on, with no regard for the dog or his efforts. That’s pretty similar to what you feel when you’re chasing love. Your phone rings, flashing his name, but that doesn’t explain why your calls go unanswered. There are brief periods of absolute bliss but that doesn’t justify the long silence that follows. You’re always there, standing by him when he wants someone to talk to, but all your messages saying, “Hey, I really need to talk to you”, go unread.
What Chasing After Love Taught Me
One-sided love can be terribly heartbreaking when you don’t learn to hold yourself back at the right moment. Even when the hopelessness of it tires you out, your frail heart seems to find a reason to hold on and continue persisting. It took me a while to understand that you have to let love find you because chasing love will only break your spirit when it is not requited.
He says he loves you behind closed doors but fails to act like it when people are around
You take vacations and go drinking with his friend but somehow you always find yourself going stag with yours. He calls you over at midnight when he’s feeling lonely, but you find yourself with no one to kiss on New Year’s Eve. His time with ‘the guys’ remains uninterrupted, but that doesn’t add up to the several canceled plans with your girls.
Related Reading: Why chasing after marriage is not a good idea
Chasing love makes you mold yourself to love him the way he wants to be loved, but you never get that back
You go above and beyond to make yourself available for him, you make elaborate plans to chase your love, you dress the way he likes, you eat at places he loves, and listen to bands he’s fond of. You fit yourself in the definition of his ‘love’, but there’s always a nagging feeling, the one of your love being unrequited.
Every single day you brush aside the thought that this is not how you want to be loved
The love you dreamed about. The guy who surprised you with flowers, the guy who’d make it half an hour early just so he gets to spend that extra time with you, the guy who’d look at you with so much love that it would make your friends jealous, the guy who’d tell you he loves you while flirting with his eyes, without you asking. The guy who didn’t take you for granted. But somehow, you leave those expectations buried in a box deep inside. Because you love him.
Never Chase Love
Until you can’t take it anymore. Chasing love will one day tire you out. One day, it won’t be all of a sudden, it won’t be for a while, but one day, you’ll realize that your love isn’t enough. That there is only so long one set of feelings can float this relationship. And that day will be the day when you stop settling for toxic relationships and realize that you have to let love find you.
Related Reading: My flawed concept of ‘The One’
That will be the day you demand your kind of ‘love’, with someone who’s compatible enough, mature enough and considerate enough to give it to you happily. So don’t regret the convenient love, because it’s going to teach you that the van isn’t worth chasing. So don’t chase love, hold yourself in higher regard and wait for the one who wants to cherish you.
Don’t chase love if you know it is not true. Convince yourself that you deserve so much better and make yourself realize the same. Stop calling him, double texting him or waiting for him to come to you. Know that this is over and that it is time for you to move onto bigger and better things.
You regain your sense of self and find a chance to rebuild that inner strength you gave away in chasing love that was never meant to be yours. You can focus time and energy on things that are better for you and use them to become a more self-aware person.
The whole point of putting an end to chasing love is not worrying about whether he loves you back or whether he will come back to you or not. The moment your love chasing is over is the day you will be a better and stronger person. That is the day you will not care whether he comes back to you or not.