Childfree By Choice: Why We Chose Not To Have Kids

childfree by choice

When I was a little girl, I loved to play house. I could spend hours having tea parties with my dolls arranged around me, and I loved ‘cooking’ for my mom using my set of toy utensils. I had all the proclivities of being a mom, rather than someone who would actually go childfree by choice one day.

I even got a baby doll – you know, the ones that look and feel like a real human baby? When I got one of those, I was obsessed. I would cuddle it, sing it songs, change its diaper, feed it milk, put it to sleep. My mom was thrilled. She thought I had all the makings of a perfect wife and mother and I started showing it at a very young age.

counseling

Who Knew I Would Be Living A Childfree By Choice?

Fast forward to me in my late teens. I was at a Pizza Ranch with my then boyfriend (now husband) on what was one of our initial dates. But what should have been a romantic lunch, turned into a horrifying encounter with two 5-year-old kids. As they ran around the restaurant terrorizing the rest of the patrons, their parents sat looking on indulgently. I could feel a headache coming on as those two ran around shouting, throwing cutlery, and being a general nuisance. It was crazy! That’s when I first thought, should I have a baby?

“I never want children, I think I am going to live childless by choice and it will be the right thing for me” I whispered vehemently that day.

I was 19, he was 29. All I got was an indulgent look and a call for the check.

Fast forward to a recent evening. We were sitting on the sofa, heads bent over a smartphone, looking at photographs and going, “Awww… how adorable! Such tiny little things! And they look so cute, sleeping on top of their mommy.” We were looking at photographs of the most adorable Iranian wild cats, which are almost extinct, poor dears!

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Choosing not to have kids

Yup, choosing not to have kids has been a great decision for me. I’m in my mid-30s, he’s in his late-40s. And no, still no children. But we do have two adorable fur babies, Simba and Loki! We are truly a happy couple.

Looking back on our years together, this decision to not have children seems almost organic. I think being childfree by choice is not something that should be looked down upon, but respected. The 19-year-old me who didn’t want children because they were such a nuisance grew into this 30-something me who is certain she doesn’t want children for a lot of very valid reasons. And honestly, I don’t need to explain myself.

advantages of being childfree
We are so happy to choose the child-free life

And that 29-year-old indulgent boy who thought I was a kid and would grow out of that phase of not wanting children, is now a 40-something man who is thankful that I didn’t.

We did have second thoughts about going childfree by choice

Over the years, we have had our moments of doubt about our decision of choosing a child-free life.

Like when we see really cute children who are well behaved (they exist!). Or all the times when my parents have sat us down and told us how much we will regret our decision to not have children. Or when my friends have told me what an awesome dad my husband would make because he is so good with their children. But I think to myself, ‘raising teenagers? Oh god!’

But jokes apart, at all those times, we revisit this decision. And whenever we talk about whether or not we should have children, the husband always says the same thing: “I will agree to have children only when you are 150% sure that you want them. But until then, let’s enjoy the advantages of being childfree.”

on happy couples

I’ve never been even 20% sure that I want kids. I feel no biological clock ticking and no desire to take on the life-changing responsibility of bringing up a child. And so we happily go about our lives, following our interests and our careers. It’s given us the mind space and the time that we need to follow the things that interest us – for the husband it’s his love for box making and teaching DIY woodworking, and for me, it’s the time to pursue my love for art, design, writing, and tarot. I believe and know now why childfree is better for us and truly have no second thoughts.

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Why Childfree Is Better?

We have had people tell us we’re being short-sighted, self-absorbed, stupid; that we are bucking the “natural law” and fighting biology and evolution. But at the end of the day, we are the only ones who have to live with this decision – and either way, it is a big, life-altering choice. Yes, the choice of being that rare breed of childfree couples is a tough choice.

Bringing an innocent child into this world should not be a default consequence of marriage. And it certainly shouldn’t be something you resort to in an unstable marriage, hoping that a child will bring you closer – heartbreakingly often, it doesn’t.

Having a child should be a thing of unbridled joy. If it isn’t, maybe you should look for your joy elsewhere. Being childless by choice isn’t all that bad.

FAQs

1. Is it normal to not want a child?

Yes absolutely! Being childfree by choice is something most couples are doing these days. There is no reason to feel ashamed or guilty about it. As long as it makes you and your partner happy, that’s all you really need.

2. Why millennials are not having babies?

Choosing not to have children is something that most millennial couples are doing these days. With the pressures of the workplace, a fast paced life – some couples just want to live in the moment and devote more time to their partners and other commitments. There indeed are advantages of being childfree and couples are now just resisting the societal pressures of having kids.

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