Coming out as gay is rarely easy. You never know what to expect – will your parents be horrified, will your friends be cheering you on, or will you be bullied and the butt of jokes by your classmates or coworkers.
Moreover, instead of being greeted with solidarity and love, one is faced with the most bizarre questions that lack any decency or respect. Questions about sexuality, the act of sex and other convoluted topics that frankly, we ourselves have barely thought of. And if we have, it’s really nobody else’s business!
Most coming out stories don’t go as smoothly as one would hope they could. Coming out of the closet is a huge deal to us personally. We almost treat it as a rebirth and a way of reclaiming ourselves. But, how we tell our stories is deeply personal, and there are many ways we choose to just put our foot down and do it our way.
How To Come Out As Gay
Coming out has always been a way to let others know about your sexuality. Of course, you never come out if you are straight since that’s “normal”, a convenient term used by many. Coming out of the closet, on the other hand, is a very personal thing for people from the queer spectrum.
It’s not necessarily an act of compulsion, more like an act of letting others know that. When one comes out as gay, what they are saying is, “Yes, I am queer and it’s okay to be so”. The person coming out shouldn’t feel uncomfortable, ideally, but that is not the case for many who come out and suffer dire consequences. Many of us also have to respond to ridiculous myths and misconceptions about gay people which just make us feel even more disappointed.
I have heard a lot of stories about how to come out of the closet and there are a few which I’d like to share here. Read the following coming out stories and accounts, told in the person’s own words, and maybe you’ll understand what it’s like to navigate such an enormous personal moment.
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As a vlogger, I used YouTube to come out
I used to be a shy person who liked to talk about movies with people who didn’t care enough to talk to me. But I felt lonely, and I always felt this urge to talk about movies. So, I started making videos on YouTube which got decent views and my fans loved me when I spoke about movies, or issues in general.
I never had any reason to come out specifically, as I never thought it was necessary for me to do so. I lived my life the way I wanted and it gave me ample space for me and my creativity. The lack of communication between me and the world outside always created hurdles and I started to learn ways of being more transparent. I learned that being transparent would help me become brave. I knew I had to be honest with myself and with the world.
One of the ways I thought I could come out, was on YouTube. I recorded a video and edited the whole thing myself. It felt silly at first, and I was anxious. I then made a broadcast list and sent the video link to each of my friends and family members. And the rest is history.
I announced it via a blog link on Facebook
I like to write blogs and I have always been an avid reader. My blog mostly talked about books and movies or music. I was a pop culture nerd that way. I liked boys and I never thought that it was a big deal that needed to be “hidden”. I devised a creative way to come out to my parents and friends.
I wrote an open letter on my blog and put the link up on my Facebook page. I invited my friends to read it. The reception was mostly positive, but it didn’t matter anyway. I wasn’t looking for validation, just saying something that needed to be said.
It’s already hard enough to live in a heteronormative community and I had to put my foot down. I did and I am happy about it. I love my friends and they love me too. I’m glad to have come out like this. How to come out to your parents, you wonder? Leave it to the internet.
Related Reading: How she came to accept that her son was gay even as her husband stayed aloof
I got very negative reactions when I came out
The concept of girls liking girls has been fetishized by men to the point that they think sexuality is like a T-shirt that can be worn and taken off according to your convenience. I knew that I would get a lot of flak if I came out as a lesbian. Being a girl is hard enough already, and now a queer woman?!
Ever since I was a kid, I was preoccupied with the idea of how to tell if you’re gay. I had heard about gays and lesbians a lot in school and had always been curious about them. Ever since I was 13, I knew I was different but wasn’t sure how. Over the years I came to terms with my sexuality after having a healthy gay relationship with my girlfriend and was grappling with how to come out to your friends and family.
I was not confident doing it, but I did it anyway. I made a long post on Facebook and I publicly came out. Everyone, from my family to friends, started commenting. I even got phone calls. My mom started screaming at me because she was utterly confused, but I pulled myself through that shit storm.
I was rebellious and I was never diverted from who I was. I did what I felt like and I had no regrets. Things are easier now, but coming out was a tough nut to crack. I am gay and I know it’s okay. I have realized that if you’re figuring out how to come out as gay, there is no right or wrong way. Some will judge and some will accept and you have to live with both.
Related Reading: 10 Famous Celebrity Same Sex (Gay) Couples
Why I love my family so much
I love my family and we always discussed everything openly. From politics to gender issues, we talk a lot. And I never felt that my family was homophobic. So, I thought that I would ask my family out for dinner and take them someplace nice.
That wasn’t the only motive, since I thought it was one of the creative ways to come out to your parents and I wanted to do just that. I did once the waiter stopped serving and my family replied by saying, “We know”, and we all broke out in laughter. “We’ve known since you were in fourth grade, it was always that obvious”, said my mom.
I had a great time that day and I am glad to have a family like that.
That was one of the lighter coming out stories of the four, and we hope it gave you a little hope and positivity for your own journey.
When you come out as gay, no matter what you have to face, it is still an epiphanic moment that makes you feel like a burden is off your shoulders. The people who love you will try to understand you no matter what. And the ones who don’t get you, well that’s their problem!
How to come out of the closet is indeed a tough nut to crack, but it will happen one way or another. You are who you are, because, “Baby, you were born this way!”
Well, we cannot answer that for you. That is something that you will know and discover in your own time. If you feel you are attracted to more than just the opposite sex, you might be gay, or bisexual.
With lots of love and maybe even a cake. Coming out is a huge deal to gays and you should show them love, make sure they have fun spending time with friends and create a positive environment where they feel accepted and celebrated/
LGBTQIA+ stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersexual, asexual, and more.