Contest: Is it okay to have secrets in a relationship?

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Writersmelon contest


In association with Writersmelon, Bonobology brings to you the next contest.

“Is it okay to have secrets in a relationship?’ Justify your answers in the comments below.

Two best answers will win gift vouchers.

The last date for submission of entries is 19-Nov-2017.

The contest will be judged by Alka Dimri Saklani, the author of the book, ‘Beyond Secrets’.

Contest open for Indian nationals living anywhere.


Readers Comments On “Contest: Is it okay to have secrets in a relationship?”

  1. though there is no golden rule to keep secrets in the relationship is ok or not, and of course, it depends upon various factors. I believed “trust” is the most important element in any relationship. it can be easily broken and hard to repair. it takes a lot to build trust and if it is broken there is the possibility it couldn’t be earned back again. and the word “secrets” itself has a sense of slight negativity. and I think it is a bad idea to keep major secrets from your partner. while on the surface little white lies or omissions are ok to keeping peace in the relationship, but in long run keeping secrets in the relationship indicates lack of trust and authenticity in a relationship. and if you are not telling something big about yourself to your partner, your relationship could be headed for trouble, for sure. I think, keeping secrets is a form of deceit and being deceit breeds mistrust. when we hurt our partner by lies, we create a feeling that he/she doesn’t truly love you or may abandon you. good communication, sharing thoughts and experience is the only way to keep relationship emotionally connected and truly supported. and it is the most integral factor that helps in keeping a relationship healthy and peaceful. and if there is something, that we think it might offend the feeling of our partner, it should be narrated in a best positive way and if we had built that trust in our relationship previously, nothing can damage the true love and trust. so, as a conclusion “honesty is the best policy” and we should always try “to not keep any secrets in a relationship”.

  2. Personally, I feel that the word itself carries a negative connotation. I believe that no matter what people say or how open their relationships are, they all have secrets. Some, they constantly carry along like a burden, a few are buried unconsciously,and may be revealed during inappropriate moments, while the rest are special,which they hold close to themselves, without any worries.
    Some secrets are rather personal: like our private or closely-guarded conversations,deeply intimate experiences in the past;such as one with a former lover,etc. In this day and age, our secrets are only a few clicks away,for almost all of our personal information is available on the internet. Nevertheless, a reasonable partner would and should not intrude in any of these,and should never make any demands regarding the same.
    However,there are some secrets which, in fact, shouldn’t be secrets,but need to be openly discussed. Many a time, partners lie to their significant others about things such as their medical history,for e.g., they may have contracted a dangerous disease,which may or may not be infectious. Diseases can be cured,and they don’t define us,but partners need to know about such issues,for it’ll help them prepare and deal with the relationship in a better way.Also, people in such a situation who’ve just begun dating may benefit from this,considering that in the nascent stage of a relationship,they may not be willing to give more than take,and the option of whether they still wish to be together can be kept on the table. In case of Sexually Transmitted Diseases,which could be left uncured,partners may lie about them because of the embarrassment, but they need to realise that they may end up infecting the other person,so being honest is necessary. People also look for financial stability in a relationship,so lying about your financial status and keeping such problems hidden could create rifts.
    All in all, people should respect their partner’s right to privacy. For people to whom this concept may sound foreign, they need to let go and work on changing their dominating behaviour. And for people wondering if they should reveal a deep-seated secret,ask yourself two things: One, do you have enough faith in your partner to not misuse it,and two, if it troubles you or not. If it causes you pain( for victims of sexual assaults, harassment,or other traumatic experiences),then you should definitely confide in someone in order to solve the problem and make things better.
    There are always a few secrets in a relationship,but as long as they do not affect you in the present in any way,they can simply stay that way. Lovers are curious to know more about their loved ones,and that’s alright, but they must know where to draw the line.

  3. Yes it is completely fine to hold secrets in relationship. You don’t have to be an open book to prove your commitment and loyalty all the time. Revealing your secrets specially to the wrong person could make you vulnerable. Beside I feel secrets have surprise element which should be used cautiously and properly at the right time.

  4. No relationship is perfect and no two people are exactly the same. While i believe that loyalty is one of the most important aspects in a relationship , i still believe that it is okay to have secrets . Allow me to elaborate .
    When you love someone or care deeply for someone , all your decisions will be impacted by it and intentionally you will never do anything to hurt that person so ideally there should be no such thing that you need to hide. But, practically , every person has their own opinions which might not match with anyone else and sometimes this difference of opinion , or different way of handling or reacting to a situation might lead to arguments, fights and trust issues as well because we humans are not wired to be understanding all the time.Sometimes, this small difference of opinion might lead to a big argument between a couple and things might get ugly for no reason .
    The simple fact we need to understand is that , because we are not ideal and we don’t understand everything the other person says or does all the time ( it is not practically possible) , so it is okay to have your own secrets to maintain the sanity of the relationship . That said , i strongly believe that what we can do for making the relationship better is to try to keep these secrets minimum and be vocal wherever possible and even if there are secrets that are for the overall betterment of the relationship , it should never include cheating or intentionally hurting the other person or destroying someone’s trust.

  5. Yes it’s ok to have secrets in a relationship.. a relationship is the thing you want to keep to yourself and hence is a secret.. now if it is a personal choice to disclose a relationship or not to others same thing goes with secrets ,it’s a personal choice whether I want to disclose something to my partner.. that is the personal space we need in any relation and if one is allowed to keep secrets it makes a relation strong that is the independence what everyone expexts

  6. Having personal secrets is ones own right. There is no compulsion for anyone to be an open book at all. This doesn’t mean that there is a dark side which needs to be shielded from everyone. I just want to assert that people need to have the freedom to choose how much they want to reveal about themselves to others. Having said that, just as there is room for disagreement in a relationship, both partners are entitled to their personal agenda, without involving the other at all times. Of course, not being faithful doesn’t count here as that destroys the very foundation of a relationship. If keeping a secref can harm the other partner, then that needs to be taken off the equation too. Both partners need to give space and allow each other to project their own individuality. And if there is something which one is not comfortable with revealing, then the other needs to respect that. Trust is not built just by sharing everything, but by being there for each other at all times.

  7. A secret completely and cohesively belongs to the heart it lives in.
    That’s why, there’s no right or wrong to it. It’s ok to have secrets if that makes you comfortable and safe. Also it’s not ok to have secrets if that burdens you and weighs you down.
    So the answer varies from person to person, situation to situation. One must remember, just like everything else secrets too have an expiry date. One should be prepared to face the consequences of a secret tumbling out. And if that happens we should be careful that we don’t hurt our loved ones nor damage our own image.
    Thank you

  8. Is it okay to have secrets in our relationships-
    It is very normal to have some secrets in our relationships.Every person has a Dr.Jekyll and Hyde personality, so having secrets to keep harmony in a relationship is no sin.Parents and children keep secrets,boss and employers keep them so it is normal for husband and wife to keep some.A small white lie which doesnot harm a relationship is acceptable.We are not born perfect so at times if those flaws do not come to the fore and life runs smoothly, no harm keeping secrets.Life is both bitter and sweet,so secrecy and openess go hand in hand in a relationship.

  9. Is it okay to have secrets in our relationships?
    “To be or not to be” is the age old cliché by Hamlet where death is correlated with a short sleep that he thinks would be a blessing rather than a relationship being killed. The same thing can be said about the idea whether to have secrets in our relationships or not. Despite the promises of being together through thick and thin the possessive nature of a man or woman can bring disaster to a healthy relationship with secrets opened. All of us prefer to live in the present .Why should we look back to past? A relationship that is in fine fettle would surely get disturbed by disclosing a secret of past or present. Secrets can be treasured like precious possessions, but there is always a risk to be caught red-handed. However it depends on the mindset of the individuals and the state of affairs if they should have secrets in their relationships. So it is better to avoid all that get you in a quandary. You should act according to the situation.

  10. Is it okay to have secrets in a relationship
    Any relationship is an association between two people who come together to share certain benefits. Each individual brings to the table certain strengths and weaknesses. Along with this, there are also expectations on either side. One person collaborates with another to enjoy certain benefits provided by the other. If he pays for it, that becomes a professional relationship. If he does not it becomes a friendly relationship. The relationship between a mother and child should always be a friendly relationship, however, it is not always so. Similarly, the relationship between a husband and wife should be a friendly one, but it is not always so. In any of the relationships mentioned above, if there is money involved, then it is likely to be vitiated. Then comes the need to keep secrets. Even in an employment relationship, if an employee is stretched beyond his capacity or is exploited, then it is likely that he or she will start lying or avoiding the employer’s calls. Here, the employee is stretched beyond his capacity and that is why he is avoiding the employer. When an employer starts avoiding an employee, it can be either that he does not want to pay him or because he does not want that, the employee should work with him.
    Therefore, in every relationship, it is always good to keep certain secrets or there is a danger that one may be exploited beyond one’s capacity.

  11. I believe that secrets are a part of every human being, whether in a relationship or not. So yes, it’s ok to keep secrets from your partner, provided that there is a considerable degree of trust and understanding between them. For instance, if I trust my spouse, I will thus understand that if they have kept a secret, it’s for a reason which won’t affect our relationship. Secrets are even necessary !! Because, do you honestly want to know so much that would create unnecessary baggage in your mind which would become a burden ?? Wouldn’t that adversely affect the bond a couple shares ??????
    By the way, my spouse knows I have secrets which he doesn’t need to know, and he trusts me inspite of it as we both are dedicated to sticking it through together forever!!

  12. Secrets….the word itself cast some type of spell . According to me it’s ok to have secrets in relationship…in today’s time n date all open relationship may create trouble . We all want to enjoy that small dream or wish which at times may not be acceptable to our partner and keeping that thing secret doesn’t harm your relationship. That secret may be the reason for your happiness so ,why deny yourself from that tingle of joy!!! That doesn’t mean that you cheat on your partner but yes if that secret makes you smile then you have the every right to SMILE. And you yourself are the better judge of your actions…if your heart and mind both allow you to have some secret space then curl on that.

  13. I believe its ok to have some scerets in relationship. It is part of your individuality and also during the rough patch of relationship, your partner will not be able to take advantage of you. We both don’t interfere in each other personal space though we both know that there are few things which we don’t know about each other. This way the spark of relationship remains alive as the curiosity to know more about each other.

  14. Though it is ideal to be open in a relationship there are times when you need to maintain a shroud of secrecy especially with regard to things that may mar an otherwise beautiful and serene relationship. Not all people are the same. Some take things easy and without a fuss but there are others who are extra sensitive and prone to shredding things to the last strand and subjecting it to scrutiny/ analysis. This nature of theirs can cause irreparable damage in a relationship. This can form the basis of unnecessary tensions, lead to uncalled for fights and at times plant seeds of suspicion leaving souls wounded and bleeding. So I for one feel there is no harm in having secrets in a relationship.

  15. Yes…its ok to have secrets in a relationship..but it depends on many factors…like relationship… person involved…intensity of the secret… effect it might hav on that relation…. but if both the person are close n trust each other than its better to come out open n have no secrets amongst them

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