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Contest: Is it okay to have secrets in a relationship?

Writersmelon contest

Hello,

In association with Writersmelon, Bonobology brings to you the next contest.

“Is it okay to have secrets in a relationship?’ Justify your answers in the comments below.

Two best answers will win gift vouchers.

The last date for submission of entries is 19-Nov-2017.

The contest will be judged by Alka Dimri Saklani, the author of the book, ‘Beyond Secrets’.

Contest open for Indian nationals living anywhere.

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15 Comments

  1. though there is no golden rule to keep secrets in the relationship is ok or not, and of course, it depends upon various factors. I believed “trust” is the most important element in any relationship. it can be easily broken and hard to repair. it takes a lot to build trust and if it is broken there is the possibility it couldn’t be earned back again. and the word “secrets” itself has a sense of slight negativity. and I think it is a bad idea to keep major secrets from your partner. while on the surface little white lies or omissions are ok to keeping peace in the relationship, but in long run keeping secrets in the relationship indicates lack of trust and authenticity in a relationship. and if you are not telling something big about yourself to your partner, your relationship could be headed for trouble, for sure. I think, keeping secrets is a form of deceit and being deceit breeds mistrust. when we hurt our partner by lies, we create a feeling that he/she doesn’t truly love you or may abandon you. good communication, sharing thoughts and experience is the only way to keep relationship emotionally connected and truly supported. and it is the most integral factor that helps in keeping a relationship healthy and peaceful. and if there is something, that we think it might offend the feeling of our partner, it should be narrated in a best positive way and if we had built that trust in our relationship previously, nothing can damage the true love and trust. so, as a conclusion “honesty is the best policy” and we should always try “to not keep any secrets in a relationship”.

  2. Personally, I feel that the word itself carries a negative connotation. I believe that no matter what people say or how open their relationships are, they all have secrets. Some, they constantly carry along like a burden, a few are buried unconsciously,and may be revealed during inappropriate moments, while the rest are special,which they hold close to themselves, without any worries.
    Some secrets are rather personal: like our private or closely-guarded conversations,deeply intimate experiences in the past;such as one with a former lover,etc. In this day and age, our secrets are only a few clicks away,for almost all of our personal information is available on the internet. Nevertheless, a reasonable partner would and should not intrude in any of these,and should never make any demands regarding the same.
    However,there are some secrets which, in fact, shouldn’t be secrets,but need to be openly discussed. Many a time, partners lie to their significant others about things such as their medical history,for e.g., they may have contracted a dangerous disease,which may or may not be infectious. Diseases can be cured,and they don’t define us,but partners need to know about such issues,for it’ll help them prepare and deal with the relationship in a better way.Also, people in such a situation who’ve just begun dating may benefit from this,considering that in the nascent stage of a relationship,they may not be willing to give more than take,and the option of whether they still wish to be together can be kept on the table. In case of Sexually Transmitted Diseases,which could be left uncured,partners may lie about them because of the embarrassment, but they need to realise that they may end up infecting the other person,so being honest is necessary. People also look for financial stability in a relationship,so lying about your financial status and keeping such problems hidden could create rifts.
    All in all, people should respect their partner’s right to privacy. For people to whom this concept may sound foreign, they need to let go and work on changing their dominating behaviour. And for people wondering if they should reveal a deep-seated secret,ask yourself two things: One, do you have enough faith in your partner to not misuse it,and two, if it troubles you or not. If it causes you pain( for victims of sexual assaults, harassment,or other traumatic experiences),then you should definitely confide in someone in order to solve the problem and make things better.
    There are always a few secrets in a relationship,but as long as they do not affect you in the present in any way,they can simply stay that way. Lovers are curious to know more about their loved ones,and that’s alright, but they must know where to draw the line.

  3. Yes it is completely fine to hold secrets in relationship. You don’t have to be an open book to prove your commitment and loyalty all the time. Revealing your secrets specially to the wrong person could make you vulnerable. Beside I feel secrets have surprise element which should be used cautiously and properly at the right time.

  4. No relationship is perfect and no two people are exactly the same. While i believe that loyalty is one of the most important aspects in a relationship , i still believe that it is okay to have secrets . Allow me to elaborate .
    When you love someone or care deeply for someone , all your decisions will be impacted by it and intentionally you will never do anything to hurt that person so ideally there should be no such thing that you need to hide. But, practically , every person has their own opinions which might not match with anyone else and sometimes this difference of opinion , or different way of handling or reacting to a situation might lead to arguments, fights and trust issues as well because we humans are not wired to be understanding all the time.Sometimes, this small difference of opinion might lead to a big argument between a couple and things might get ugly for no reason .
    The simple fact we need to understand is that , because we are not ideal and we don’t understand everything the other person says or does all the time ( it is not practically possible) , so it is okay to have your own secrets to maintain the sanity of the relationship . That said , i strongly believe that what we can do for making the relationship better is to try to keep these secrets minimum and be vocal wherever possible and even if there are secrets that are for the overall betterment of the relationship , it should never include cheating or intentionally hurting the other person or destroying someone’s trust.

  5. Yes it’s ok to have secrets in a relationship.. a relationship is the thing you want to keep to yourself and hence is a secret.. now if it is a personal choice to disclose a relationship or not to others same thing goes with secrets ,it’s a personal choice whether I want to disclose something to my partner.. that is the personal space we need in any relation and if one is allowed to keep secrets it makes a relation strong that is the independence what everyone expexts

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