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No rules in my marriage

married for love

When I started writing this blog, I asked my husband, “What are the golden rules of our marriage?”  He nonchalantly said, “Following no rules in the golden rule of our marriage.”  True it is!

I met my husband in an arranged marriage set-up 16 years back.  Oh yes, I wanted to get married at that time!  I met my would-be husband with no expectations.  I hadn’t even asked what his salary was or what property he owned!  We met, sparks flew, connected like long-lost friends and got married within 6 months.

Oh, forgot to tell you..he is a 6 footer and me a 5 footer.

Post marriage, I came to Mumbai where he was working and started my blissful life with him in a 1 bedroom-kitchen-hall.  We had no car back then.  We had nothing fancy.  But I was the happiest woman on the earth as I had found a buddy and soulmate in him.  We both had become parents to our son within 10 months of our marriage.

Now, post 15 years of marriage and 2 kids, we still are the best buddies and share the same warmth and feelings that we had jab we met for the first time.  People say that we are “lucky”, yes to an extent but for a marriage to work both the partners should have certain “rules”.  We both have always stuck to few things which have made our marriage successful.

1.  Respect for each other.  I don’t remember in all these years we have ever put each other down in front of others, not even our parents.  We have had our share of tiffs but we have never called names, belittled, or insulted each other.

2.  Respecting each other’s parents and extended family.  We have NEVER brought our parents in any matter.  I have seen couples dragging their respective parents or fighting because of their parents.  It’s not that we haven’t had issues regarding each other’s parents, but we have never ever insulted or dragged their names, come what may.

3.  Being friends of each other.  Many a times, a couple is “husband-wife”, parents, “son or daughter-in-law” and other relations but friends of each other.  A couple needs to be friends with each other, after all they are sharing their life with each other.  Me and my husband don’t just talk about household chores, money, children, and responsibilities; we talk about various other topics, watch funny videos and laugh, or simply sing old songs and behave like “friends” do!

4.  We don’t belittle each other in front of our children.  Confiding in children about the spouse is one thing but always belittling the spouse is different.  Children are vulnerable and they tend to lose respect for the parents. Also our children are learning from us how to treat their spouse in the future.

5.  We share life, we share responsibilities, we share finances; basically we share everything.  I have often seen husbands not sharing household chores or responsibilities of kids or the wife not sharing her salary with the husband.  I might be old-fashioned but I still believe that a husband and wife share everything and should share every khushi and gham!

6.  We both have never tried to change each other.  For instance, my husband despite being a Bengali doesn’t like eating fish, so I have never forced him in all these years.  Why should I?  He has never asked me or judged me about what I wear, what I do, whom I talk to, or the fact that since I am married to him I should behave or dress up in a certain manner!

7.  Trust.  Its cliched but very important.  We don’t check each other’s phones.  He never asks me why I was late from a certain event or I never ask him “Was he really in the office and hence late or it was some other “lafda”?

What we look forward to is growing old with each other.  We look forward to traveling the world once our kids are settled.  We hope to reach our “golden jubilee” following these “golden rules”!

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