Q: I was brought up mentally and financially independent. Now I’m married to a guy who is the only child of his parents. We are not getting along. I’m fast, I love to be with people, I’m a musician and go for concerts. He likes his job, his bed. His parents are too aged and everyone wants me to adjust. My parents are saying not to adjust, and live as you wish. I’m in dilemma what to do. How do I live with them? How to live in such a way that I can live as I want? Should I ignore my in-laws’ words? Should I change myself for him?
A: The dilemmas that you are going through seem very understandable, especially for someone who has been brought up in a relatively different environment. Marriage involves a lot of changes and adjustments, in the partners’ lives. These changes should be made by both partners, especially if interests are varied. I suggest that you talk to your husband and list some mutual interests that both of you can enjoy. This will help you explore him and his wishes, and so can he. In the case of your in-laws, it is important for you to develop a healthy bond with them. This bond can be a basis on which you will be able to express your needs and desires without any apprehension. Hope this helps.