We read #couplegoals on social media every moment. Generally those goals involve expensive gifts, spontaneous plans to visit the Caribbean, PDA through social media or dying on the same day in a nursing home.
Young single girls or starry-eyed women just starting a relationship may feel these are couple goals, but real life is different. If buying expensive gifts and international travelling are ideal couple goals, then why do we even have any celebrity breakups? And who wants to include death in any of their goals?
The relationship goals are entirely different for a normal wife when marriage is more than a decade long and there are one or more kids on the scene. It will be clear from the expectations of this unnamed seasoned wife from her husband. She thinks…
You can look all you want
1. My husband may laugh as much as he wants at the lame jokes of that airhead from his office (with obvious false eyelashes by the way) in parties. But if he watches the latest season of our favourite show without me, then I will consider it as cheating on me and I will make his life hell.
2. The idea of a romantic date for me is going out with my husband on a candlelit dinner where, looking straight into my eyes he says, “Don’t worry darling! I remember precisely you switched off the gas stove before leaving home.”
3. When I complain about my maid and/or frenemy he listens intently or at least pretends to listen intently. In the end, his remarks should never be “tsk tsk” or “Do you think Reliance shares will go up?” His remark in this scenario should only be “Of course it is entirely her fault. You are a wronged saint. They don’t deserve a saint like you as their employer/frenemy.”
Don’t ask silly questions
4. The next day he should never ever ask me “How can you go out for shopping with your frenemy after yesterday’s episode?” Because he should understand there’s a reason she is my frenemy and not enemy.
5. Likewise, he should never ask the next day, “Why don’t you fire the maid if you are constantly complaining about her?” Again, he should know maids are difficult to find, even more, difficult to train, and most importantly, they are a kind of frenemy.
6. If there is a box containing three-month-old pasta in the refrigerator, then the husband should never ask me awkward questions like “Why this pasta from the UPA era is still in our fridge?” or “Are you trying to develop a new element in our fridge?” Instead, he should silently throw it away, because he knows I always lack the emotional strength to throw any kind of food.
Darling, some more ice cream?
7. When I claim I am on a diet, he should never point that out while I am eating a three-scoop ice cream. He should just play along as if that moment of me eating three-scoop ice cream actually does not exist.
8. He should never ask me to throw away my favourite top under any circumstances, even if it is 20 years old because my favourite top makes me look 3 kilos slimmer and on bad hair days I really need that.
9. When I ask, “How do I look?” Wait a minute! I should never have to ask the question. I should get glowing compliments always without fishing for them.
You are precious to me
10. If I ever say something, then it is more profound than the Bible and should be remembered for eternity. I should never get the inkling that he was not listening to me, or worse, even if he listened, he forgot, considering it to be insignificant.
11. After every visit of my MIL, he should repeat ten times to me “You are the best thing that happened to me. You are the prettiest, best expert in home management, best mother and best cook. Of course my mother can’t recognise the best DIL even if it hits her on the face (not literally, dear).”
12. Of course, I won’t mind a spontaneous trip to the Caribbean and a diamond ring thrown in for the bonus.