Why we crave sex with our exes

Sambuddha Acharya
sexy couple getting intimate

The science of ex-sex

Ah! The ex! In simple words, the ex is a strange, strange subject. Every time you think about it, you remember the horrible day you traded a few not-so-civil adjectives in scary voices before storming out of the room! Things would’ve been a lot simpler if this were all there was to it, but – fortunately, or unfortunately – it isn’t.

Oh, and here’s a disclaimer: we’ve been talking about the ‘ex’ as if it’s a thing and not a person because we believe that it’s a phenomenon – the ex-phenomenon! Raising your eyebrows? Let us explain.

While there are people that can manage to stay firm and not go back to what they leave behind, going back to your ex is such a common thing among people that we think the act deserves to have a brand name. Symptoms include constantly finding yourself thinking about the person, reading old conversations, stalking them on social media, and *ahem* appreciating their gorgeous bodies in the nudes that you promised you’d delete.

Then comes the severe bit: the craving for some ex-sex. It’s hot; it’s easy; it’s familiar. What could possibly go wrong? While that’s a question for some other time, we’d like you to know that if you find in yourself the symptoms of the ex-phenomenon, relax! You’re not alone. Today, we’re telling you a couple of reasons why you might be going through this!

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It’s convenient

Let’s face it: it’s convenient! If you’re going through a rough time and all you need is to get some, you might find yourself considering the proposal. And if you have access to some liquid courage, you’ll probably end up calling or texting them without much thought! If you’re in the mood for sex but not up for a Tinder match, getting under the sheets with your ex-sounds pretty tempting!

Looking for closure

Now, calling the ex for some sex might be very convenient, but unless you parted, and continue to be, on good terms, that is off the table. So many relationships end in vague ways and even though the couples move on, they crave for closure. So, if you’re pining for sex with your ex-partner, you might actually be pining for closure. It’s the same logic that’s behind breakup sex, really.

They know what you like

We get it. There used to be a time when the two of you went at it like rabbits! And if you were in the relationship for quite some time, you must’ve talked a lot about what each of you wanted in bed. Whether it’s something simple or your darkest fantasy, it takes a lot of time and effort to share this stuff. Now, since it’s difficult and awkward to educate every partner on how your body works, you might be wanting to sleep with the one who’s already enlightened!

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No baggage

The cravings of the body might be tricky, but let’s not forget the cravings of the mind. If you look back at your relationship, you might realise that the pleasures of the flesh may have been intense, but the other stuff wasn’t quite on point. So, what do you do if you still aren’t ready for emotional commitment but badly need to get laid? Well, if your ex is game, you don’t look at them as an ex – it’s just great, familiar, comfortable sex without the emotional burden.

Validation reinforcement

For a lot of us, our relationships and our partners are all that we invest in. While this comes off as absurd to so many people, it happens! So, what happens after the breakup, then? The lonely season kicks in! It doesn’t have to mean that you’re actually lonely. Maybe no one can take care of you as your partner did! You miss those random compliments and cuddles that you took for granted, and you start craving for appreciation through sex!

You want someone else

Believe it or not, having the hots for someone else might make you susceptible to the ex-phenomenon. Hear us out before you roll your eyes. Think of it as a strange sort of masturbation. So, you want that person, but you can’t get them to sleep with you. What do you do? Well, simulate, of course! But what happens when masturbation doesn’t just cut it and you really need to get it out of your system? That’s right – you give in to the ex-phenomenon!

It’s wrong

Can’t seem to relate to any of the causes? Well, here’s another. To a lot of people, saying or hearing their partner say “We shouldn’t be doing this” is as hot as it gets. Are you the sort of person who’s turned on by something that’s morally inappropriate? If that’s your kink, it might just be the reason why your hormones are going crazy!

Now, look here: you can’t have sex without ‘ex’. Bad jokes aside, we are, by no means, promoting unhealthy coping mechanisms. Know that there are a lot of reasons at work, and you shouldn’t be beating yourself up over being in the heat!

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