“Pain makes you stronger, fear makes you braver, and heartbreak makes you wiser.”
But when the person whom you have loved and trusted wholeheartedly, breaks your heart, nothing makes sense. Truly, dating after a breakup can seem like the last thing you want to do. Painstakingly initiating another relationship, opening up completely only to have your heart stomped on again? No thanks. But, that guy/girl you just met does seem kinda cute, right?
Some develop a heart of stone after a bad breakup and most don’t want to go through the trouble of opening up again. You might even start thinking the whole relationship game isn’t for you and lose hope. Some are so used to being in a relationship that they may jump into dating a month after break up without considering the consequences.
We can tell you that bad relationships are a necessary part of life that teach you a lot about what you want in the future. You just need a few tips to help set you on your way. That’s exactly why you’re here.
Let’s get right into how you should go about dating after a breakup:
Dating After A Breakup – 9 Steps To Follow
It’s easy to feel sorry for yourself after a breakup. Getting back to dating after a breakup can be daunting. It’s completely normal if you don’t feel like dating a month after break up. In fact, many give up on dating to focus on themselves or their career for awhile.
Even if you are wondering “Why do I feel guilty dating after a breakup?”, know that starting dating after a breakup is not easy. The moving on stage will be slow. However, it will eventually go from a pain that hits you every morning to a little numbing sensation that might come your way every now and then. Sounds pretty grim, but it does get better. Just like India’s GDP.
You need to tell yourself that you do deserve love. One bad relationship will not jeopardize your love life. Instead, learn from the mistakes you made and make sure you don’t repeat them.
When you find yourself being excited by the idea of a new relationship or the first date after breakup instead of constantly thinking about your ex, you might be ready. Sooner or later, you’re bound to meet someone new after a breakup who won’t seem half bad. Be it through a dating app, a social gathering, or through a friend. What those things have in common is that you need to put yourself out there. Finding comfort in your cocoon will only detach you from reality.
Wondering how to go about dating again after a breakup? Here are the 9 steps you should follow:
1. Fix yourself!
No, real life isn’t a Coldplay song. Nobody’s going to come around to “fix you”. For some, it might be tempting to start dating someone right after a breakup but that’s just an effort to run away from the pain. Dating immediately after a breakup is never a good idea.
After a breakup, you’ll find that you’ve learned a few things about yourself. It’s best to take your time and move on. (Doesn’t matter how much time you take, dating isn’t a race you need to win!) Figure out if there is anything within yourself you need to work on instead of dating someone new after a breakup.
Once you’ve tackled the feelings within yourself that you might have needed to, a lot more than just your dating life is going to get considerably better.
Related reading: Why ‘I Need Closure’ Weighs On Our Mind After A Breakup
2. Learn from the past
Your ex is your ex for a reason. Think about what that reason may be and if that problem has occurred with more than one partner in the past. You might just end up finding a pattern or realizing the kind of people you’re attracted to.
Once you realize why your past relationships didn’t work, dating after a breakup will get easier because you’ll know what you need to steer clear of. Make sure you do these things before you put yourself out there again, especially if you are thinking of dating after a long term relationship. Or it’s going to be like having to answer an out of syllabus question during an exam. Nobody likes doing that.
3. Analyze what you want next
We swear this is the last thinking step you have to take.
How long after a long term relationship should you wait to date? Wait till you have figured out what it is that you might want next for yourself. If you let your impulses decide, you may be reading this article again after 3 months. Dating too soon after a breakup may seem enticing, but you have to tread really carefully.
It’s completely okay to not want to date after a breakup. It’s completely okay if you throw yourself into your work. Staying busy will help you avoid those negative thoughts that never do anyone any good. Just don’t end up doing something extreme after a breakup.
4. Don’t be afraid to try something new
Relationships can make people predictable, maybe even monotonous. The same routine feels good, but leaves you struggling to function when the relationship ends.
The good thing about dating after a breakup is that there’s nothing stopping you from trying out new things. Socialize a little more. Go to those parties you never used to, join a book club, catch up with your cousins. Going on that first date after a breakup may seem daunting so start small and just socialize. When you broaden your horizon, more opportunities will come your way. Maybe a new lover too!
5. Get back out there!
Dating after a breakup can be really fun. We know it’s still just as hard to meet someone new after a breakup and strike a conversation with them, but that’s where dating apps come in! It’s never been easier to find new partners online, especially when you are trying to get back on the horse and start dating after a long term relationship. Going on a dating site after a breakup will stir up all kinds of emotions. Learning how to use dating apps correctly will be fun in itself.
Through dating apps, you’ll find so many interesting people you’ll have fun chatting with. You’ll get to experience the excitement of a new prospect, the nervousness, and the payoff after your risky text gets a favorable reply. It’ll do wonders for your self-esteem too, which might have taken a hit after the breakup.
Just make sure you don’t start believing you’re in love right after a breakup, as that would most probably be infatuation and not real love.
Related Reading: 13 Tips To Date Online Successfully And Find Your Ideal Partner
6. Do not compare!
If there were any dating after breakup rules, this one would definitely have to be followed religiously.
It’s only natural to start comparing new people to your ex when dating someone right after a breakup but you have to keep reminding yourself that that will not serve any purpose.
Dating after a long term relationship is already hard, but by comparing, you’ll only make it harder for yourself to find someone new, all the while putting your ex on a pedestal in your own mind. Learn to keep an open mind, don’t judge people too soon and always stay positive.
7. Don’t ignore the red flags
Now that you’ve had a failed relationship, you may have an idea of the kind of people you don’t get along with. Dating again after a breakup will keep you excited about the next possible partner, but make sure you don’t avoid the red flags in your eagerness.
Common red flags include calling the waiter by whistling at him (as told to us by Munna Bhai), casual sexism, immaturity, or a sense of entitlement.
8. Don’t trust too quickly, but don’t bottle up either
While you’re out there trying to right swipe your way to glory, make sure you let infatuation take over and trust the first person who comes your way. Dating someone new after a breakup leaves you eager for a fruitful relationship. In your eagerness, don’t forget to take things slow. Remember what they say — only fools rush in.
On the other hand, some may completely bottle up as a result of a bad breakup. Scared of the next heartbreak, people may find it incredibly difficult to trust anyone again. Dating after a breakup can be scary, but it’s a risk you’ll have to take if you really do start to like someone new. Share your feelings with your partner, make sure they don’t think you’re bottling up because you don’t like them. Communicate your feelings.
9. Don’t talk about your ex
Finally, we have reached arguably the most important point in our list of dating after breakup advice. There is nothing worse than talking about your ex on the first date with someone else. Getting stood up might be worse but you get the point — don’t talk about your ex.
It will only creep your date out, make them think you haven’t moved on and that you’re not ready for anything yet, ensuring that you don’t get the call for a second date. This is definitely one ‘dating after a breakup rule’ you cannot afford to break.
Related Reading: 22 bad habits that ruin a relationship
Thus, to sum up, before you start dating after a breakup, first focus on how you feel. Take time to grieve the and overcome the relationship that you have lost. Make sure that you have healed before joining a dating app or meeting new people. As mentioned above — “…and heartbreak makes you wiser”, you are not starting with dating from scratch. You are experienced now. Use it wisely. You never know, you’ll find someone who will take care of your heart, even better than you have imagined!
And once you’re ready? Well…get up, dress up, show up. Your significant other is waiting for you!
The timing of it depends from person to person, but it’s definitely too soon if you’re still comparing people to your ex. If you haven’t moved on yet, not accepted the breakup, and if you’re still angry at your ex, it’s definitely too soon to start dating after a breakup.
Once a relationship suffers a fate as grim as a breakup, it’s very unlikely that it will ever be returned to its former glory days again. After a breakup, relationships tend to be weaker and more often than not the reason for the initial breakup will creep back into the relationship and find a way to end things, sooner or later.
If you think you’ve found someone with whom you might show signs of a healthy relationship, it might be worth a try. You have to make sure that you’re not still sore about your breakup and you have moved on. Once you find peace with your breakup and don’t miss your ex, it’s perfectly normal and recommended to start a getting back out there.