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Counselling

Dating and Relationship Advice: Why Doesn’t he Love Me Back anymore?

They were madly in love but suddenly he is ignoring her and she feels very hurt
i want him to love me back by any means possible

I have been dating this guy since 2017. Initially everything was going great and we were this madly-in-love couple, always in touch over WhatsApp. But he is behaving strangely since January this year (2019). If he is not in a good mood he wouldn’t reply to my morning greetings. I see him online but he doesn’t care to reply to my messages. Even when we meet his attention is elsewhere. He does not look into my eyes deeply anymore. I feel he does not value me anymore. He is taking me for granted and I have to constantly struggle for his attention. He doesn’t love me back anymore.

Why doesn’t he love me back anymore?

i always keep thinking about the day he will love me back
He has become aloof and she feels hurt Image source

I know he is under a lot of pressure because of his job. He lost his father recently and is the only earning member of his family. I understand all this and that is why I never nag him or vent out my frustrations. But he also has to understand that I need his affection and attention. I feel very lost at times. I want him to become his old self and love me back like before. It really hurts when he behaves like this. Please tell me what to do.

relationship counselling

Dear Girl,

I understand your agony about wanting the equation back with your boyfriend. Please notice I have used the word ‘equation’ instead of love. Now let me explain what I mean by this.

Love is a connection and not an attachment

You began dating in 2017 and the phase was good. He was being attentive as he was curious to know you well. After knowing a person well, the intensity changes to that of being comfortable around a person. The heady rush of romance decreases. You should understand this. If you want to stay stuck on the same phase I am afraid this won’t be possible.

Limit communication to keep the interest levels going

To sustain interest levels in a relationship communication must be restricted to useful shares and limited endearment messages. If you bombard him with messages it will only push him away further. Added to this are the greetings, not all like those all the time.

You cannot force others to reciprocate

by forcing someone you can't make someone to love you back
You can’t force someone to reciprocate Image source

You need to understand that you have control only over your responses. How another person might decipher a situation and respond or react is totally their prerogative. Also, don’t expect people to remain in the same phase of a relationship. People evolve over time.

Talk to him clearly about his plans

Please talk to him and find out the reason behind his changed behaviour. If it’s something you have done and can be changed, do it. If that’s your actual nature you need to seriously think as sacrificing your personality might not make you feel happy at a later stage.

If nothing comes by, know it’s time to leave

If you’ve done everything and he doesn’t seem to be forthcoming, you have to understand that it’s time to move on. Please consult a competent psychologist if you’re unable to process the hurt by yourself. Remember life goes on and tomorrow is a new day.

Hope this helps.

Take care

Kavita Panyam

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