Studies suggest that around 44.2% of single mothers are divorced or separated from their spouses, 36.8% were never married, only 1% are widowed, whereas the rest have moved on and remarried. The fear of non-acceptance, confrontation or being judged by the society starts circling. The questions in your head might be valid, but are of very less significance.
8 dating tips for single mothers
Dealing with a toddler and engaging yourself with someone is not wrong, but yet again it is a task that requires balancing all the things gracefully, especially the kids and the person whom you are dating. Taking the first step is the most important and after motherhood, nothing remains same. Your mental strength has evolved and your body has also changed. You might feel you are not charming enough for placing yourself in the dating arena. How will the children react? What will the society say? What about the past hurt and disappointment? A plethora of questions will run in your mind and you will feem numbed. The only thing you should remember is that these are your assumptions, not facts.
Here are 8 dating tips for single mothers to ease themselves back on the dating arena. Trust me, it will be a great, rewarding experience to step out of your comfort zone and do something for yourself too.
1. Don’t feel ashamed of your decision to date
Keep your head high; you are no sinner to have your personal desires over motherhood. You should not fear what society thinks or what your ex or relatives might say. You have to feel okay to find happiness in your new relationship. You should be very positive about the fact, because not a lot of women have the courage to admit the need for a partner, but you were brave enough to own up feeling a void.
2. If your children are grown up, talk to them first
If your child is not a toddler but grown enough to understand, you can talk to him/her about your decision to see someone. Maybe you think it is a bad idea, but if you are doing this, you will be most relaxed, as the biggest fear of single mothers who want to start dating is, what will her children think and she does not want to set them a bad example. You need to assure them that even if you are dating someone, you will not ignore your responsibilities towards them and the time you both spend together will not be taken away. Because your children only want your attention and time, but they never demand all of it. If you have a toddler, most of your time will be consumed; so in that case never feel guilty about hiring some help to take care of your child when you are busy working or spending some time for yourself.
3. Take dating seriously
If you want to start dating, you obviously need some time out of your routine and work life. Until some time is invested, you might not get a good relationship in return. Only deciding that you want to date someone is not going to work. You may not be able to make time initially, but slowly you will start developing a manageable routine. Also, it can be the other way around, that initially when things start it will be very easy and once you start developing a good bond you are not able to dedicate more time. Don’t fret about this, because balancing is an art all women are born with and if he is worth the time, you will spare some of your hectic life.
4. Don’t lie about having kids or your relationship with your ex
Truthfulness is the foundation of any healthy and strong relationship. Even if you have been on a couple of dates and you are unsure about the direction you are heading in, still being honest about having kids is the best way, because otherwise, you will have to keep ready a bucketful of lies and excuses next time when you have to cancel a date or reschedule according to the needs of your child. Be open about the relationship with your ex-husband or father of your child. He has the right to know the complexity of relationship he might be entering into.
It is better to be honest about having kids. You are a single mother and it is not easy to be one. It is something you should boast about to everyone, not hide, because you don’t want to answer questions about your past.
5. Don’t waste your time with guys who want to fool around
You may not want to be in a relationship that ends up in marriage, but you also don’t want a relationship where everything is too casual, where you don’t find emotional comfort but only sexual satisfaction. You may enjoy it initially, but in the long term, such relationships will hurt your soul. Motherhood brings changes and you may crave depth in any relationship rather than the rush, passion, and shallowness you desired earlier.
Don’t go after the guys who want to play around. You are mature enough to be handling better relationships and the games your child plays may be enough entertainment for you.
6. Don’t scare them by rushing them to meet your kids
You are seeing someone and it has only been a few dates. Everybody who you meet shouldn’t meet your children. It may scare them, as it may be too soon and it might ruin the chances of your potential relationship. You have to understand that the right decision at the wrong time becomes a wrong decision. So the world is not coming to an end tomorrow and you should wait till he initiates or you feel that the time is actually right for him to meet your kids.
7. Don’t expect them to share the responsibility of kids
Your kids are your responsibility and you dating someone does not mean you have found a partner to share the responsibility for kids. You are dating to find emotional comfort and if your partner is good enough, he might volunteer to share your responsibility, but if you start expecting this from him without even getting in the comfort zone, then you might be putting a lot of unnecessary pressure on your relationship.
8. Try to explore the person you are dating
You do not have to compare the person you are seeing to the father of your child. Don’t look for similar flaws or find any common good habits. You have to focus on your present and understand that the father of your child and your present boyfriend are two different persons and if you keep comparing them every moment, the chances of you enjoying the relationship will be gone.
Dating someone is not giving your personal desires priority over motherhood. If you are dating someone, it just means you are balancing your personal desires with motherhood. You may think that the world will care about any of your decisions but it might not bother them at all. Stop overthinking about all that doesn’t matter and enjoy every moment of your life with your responsibilities.
Life is all about second chances. It is never a bad idea to give yourself a second chance, even if you are drowning in the responsibility of kids or the memories of bitter experiences. It is not a cakewalk to start again and get in the market, and so you may think you are better off alone, but there will be days when you will feel tired of fulfilling the responsibility of a mother. You will need a partner to share your life, fulfil your desires and most importantly, you will need the emotional comfort at the end of the day.
Take a deep breath and before the emptiness in your heart starts getting on your nerves, change the monotony of your life. Give yourself a chance to be happier again and feel beyond motherhood.