We have been married for seven years now. We have a beautiful kid. Our lives are comfortable. We have been through a lot of ups and downs, both financially and emotionally.
And you still don’t love me. You still regret the decision we made – that is, of getting married.
Maybe, it was a mistake. Maybe, it was not. I don’t know. But I have been trying very hard to make this decision turn out ‘right.’ To not let it become a regret. I have been trying to give my all to this relationship while you have always been in it with one leg out of the door. And now I am trying very hard to be happy in this situation. To hope that there will be love again.
Related reading: It took 7 years for me to find acceptance, love and respect in my marriage
I am tired of being strong about it. I can’t be positive and hopeful about it anymore.
I need somebody to love me, to be physically attracted to me. I need somebody to make love to me, to hold me, to caress, hug, kiss and cuddle. I need somebody to need me apart from when they seek me out for some work or errands.
I need the physical touch, the intimate caress. I need somebody to not hold onto grudges from the past against me. I need the person I stay with, to love me, to have faith in me, to trust me.
I have always considered you to be my priority. And all I needed from you was that you consider me as one too. Even after having our child I don’t get the feeling that you put us first. You view us just like you view your employees: like an obligation. You love your daughter but you don’t want to take up your share of duties, the little and big things that are a part of parenting.
I don’t want to be looked upon as some sort of an obligation. I don’t want my husband to hold each and every thing against me. I don’t want to be depressed when I think about love.
I want someone to love me – plain and simple. I want someone to accept me, and love me for who I am. I want someone to give me as much importance as I give him, or he gives himself.
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I need that person to want me. I need someone to make me feel loved about my own body. I don’t want to feel self-conscious about how I look when I am with that person.
I don’t know what my journey is, but I am at my wit’s end contemplating that why is my journey not filled with love? I don’t want to be depressed and angry about it. Fighting and arguments are okay. But the need, the want, the desire, the comfort should also exist in the relationship.
I am tired of the indifference. I am tired of thinking “Why?” I am tired and tired of waiting for that person to love me. I am tired of waiting for love.