Counselling

He didn’t tell me the whole truth

Couple in the City

Q: My husband and I recently got married (December). We’ve known each other since May 2015 and had a breakup at the end of June. He apologised and we ended back together in September 2015. He had visited Budapest when while we broke up. I had asked him about his trip and he said he went to sightsee and take a break. I found out through one of his friends that he was dating someone at that time and she went with him on a trip. I’m not sure if it is Budapest/Chicago/India as he visited these places when we got back together. The said girl’s profile showed up on FB and I asked my husband about her. We have talked about exes but he has never mentioned her. I do not know why he lied to me and said he didn’t go with anyone on the Budapest trip. He also lied about the fact that he has gone on a trip with one of his girlfriends. Am I over thinking? How should I approach this?

A: Hi there! I can understand how this omitted detail about his past bothers you because it’s hard to stomach that he would hold something back. But let’s just take a step back for a minute and think. First, your source of information that he was dating is a friend. We all know that people make assumptions about the relationships of other people. Now I’m not saying that your friend was mistaken, but think about it, what if he was? She could have been a friend he was hanging out with, even if she did accompany him on the trip. And to be fair, you guys WERE on a break, right?

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Second, assuming he was indeed dating her, it’s possible that at the back of his mind he wanted to get back together with you (which he did) and that’s why he’s probably embarrassed or even a little scared to admit that he saw someone during the break. But is it really that big a deal, especially now that you two are back together and living a happy life? It’s not like he cheated on you, right? My suggestion would be to let the past stay where it belongs, in the past. If you dig up irrelevant stuff, it will come out and corrupt your present. If somehow this creates a doubt in your mind, “What if he hides something like this from me again?”, then I have two things to say to that – one, IF that ever happens, you’ll need to cross that bridge when you get to it, but you cannot anticipate or expect deception, and two, if you continue to hound him about this, it is highly likely that you yourself will end up leading him to hide things that may otherwise be innocuous, because sometimes we don’t realise and set into motion the exact things we don’t want should happen. So live for today, appreciate what you have, you guys were meant to be and don’t spoil it over assumptions! Stay in love!

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