Why I have different boyfriends for different needs

Different boyfriends for different needs

(As told to Stotropama Mukherjee)
Titir comes clean about her multiple relationships to Stotropama while trying to describe what she means when she says she’s polyamoric.

Different relationships for different needs

Indra once described me as ‘the woman of many seasons’ while talking about me to his cousin. I loved the definition because I truly believe it catches the essence of my being. I hate to have an all-in-one solution. For example, I have my iPod to listen to music, my computer to write and to watch videos, a phone to call, a smartphone for WhatsApp, etc., a Kindle to read books. This may sound cumbersome, but that’s just how I roll. As in everything else, so it is in my relationships. It does not need always be sexual; I’m polyamoric, not poly sexual. Although I do have other sexual relationships, other than my live-in relationship with Indra.

Let me walk you through my current entanglements. You already know about Indra: we are in a 12-year-long open live-in relationship. It had its ups and downs, experiments and changing of rules. We are at present trying out the quirks of long-distance relationships.
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One for his food

Then there is my photographer. I met him through friends. A few of my friends opened an impromptu food stall where my photographer was the main cook. I turned up to support my friends and absolutely loved the food. I remember hugging him at first sight when I came to know that he was the one cooking. Soon we became friends on social media and started talking through texts. I fell in love with his work as a professional photographer and we had what I call a ‘long-distance textual relationship’. That was enough for me. Things became complicated when, by a turn of events, we started seeing each other in the same public sphere, but that’s another story.

Man cooking for woman
For food

Related reading:A lazy girl’s tips to win his heart with food

One for the films

I should mention my horror film buddy. He was my senior in college and we were acquaintances. That was until we discovered our mutual love for horror films. Horror films give me the kind of adrenaline rush that is unparalleled. Before him, I used to watch these films alone in movie theatres. But now I have someone who is equally involved in the suspension of disbelief. He hides behind me and peeps over my shoulders to see the suspenseful scenes. We both shriek and scream together when the film demands. We kiss each other for reassurance after particularly gruesome scenes. That’s all there is between us.

Photo Banner Boyfriend
Related reading: 7 movies a couple should watch together!

One for friendship with benefits

Then there is my journalist. He’s currently working in a start-up magazine. We have been friends forever. I knew him even before meeting Indra. I became friends on the first day of college. We have been in committed relationships with other people and never really fell in love with one another. But what we share between us is a great sense of adventure. Be it a threesome with another boy or a girl or some outlandish kink, we have embarked on it together and have been equal partners in them. Sexual escapades have been fun for us, and just that.


Related reading: I’m in a friend with benefits relationship and I love it

One for feeling young again

My nerd is last, but not the least. He is younger than me and passionately engaged in stuff that we both like. As a fellow Potterhead (and also a fellow pothead), we share a lot of interests, which has sustained our friendship all these years in spite of the age gap. But recently our relationship got intimate when we started having sex. It was truly accidental. All this time talking in innuendos and casually flirting with each other might have played a part. But discovering the sexual connect was somewhat surprising. We kissed and realised that our bodies fit each other like gloves. He made me feel beautiful and young all over again. The closeness that came from our shared interests manifested on the bed as a well-coordinated and choreographed sexual adventure. Even when we are apart, the sexting keeps our bodies warm and desire kindled.

Feel young

Related reading: Why am I tempted by this younger man who is the opposite of my husband

I don’t fall in and out of love. Each person I feel intimate with is like a lighted candle in my heart. The flames never get extinguished. Though I sometimes move on (sometimes I have to), they remain in my heart, filling me up with warmth and romance.

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Readers Comments On “Why I have different boyfriends for different needs”

  1. Its good to see women are talking more open-minded way about themselves. I fully support your view and lifestyle. Monogamy & Marriage with one person was forced on to the society for many past and historical reasons. However, naturally we all feel need to be intimate with and mate with different partners as per individuals needs.

    I am married and has a nice wife. We both do well to build our married and family life and happy with each other. I have given my wife complete freedom to enjoy her life as per her individualistic needs. I am involved in what others call as Wife-sharing. My wife had been with 3 men so far. One of them have become regular suitor for my wife. She goes out with them as time permits from each others busy schedules. She enjoys her time and they mate with my wife bringing my wife comfort, happiness and satisfaction she deserves.



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    1. I don’t know what are you talking about,what kind of freedom is it? You give it to your wife ? And you are okay with it ? Strange ????
      And ofcourse there’s lot more of freedom she must have given to you then ,how do you both are okay with it ?? It’s just not getting into my head seriously. I feel love is a very personal affair how can you make out with others just for satisfaction and still be with your partner with feelings, how can one have sex without feelings with the other person. It’s like a new era where you live in .

      1. Hi,

        Thanks for your comment. I totally understand that such kind of relationships does not fit into social norms. I agree with your views. But it just that we all are different. We all have different needs, desires, faults. And I think everyone learns to make peace with it and live with it over the time.

        yes, I am involved in wife sharing. I do give my wife freedom to socialize with someone she likes. She had been with other men. In social situations as well as intimately, sexually. I had strong thoughts and feelings about wife sharing since many years (even before our marriage). I tried to control it and to be normal. It used to work temporarily. But such thoughts and feelings only came back to me with double force. Force of such thoughts and feelings was so strong that if I had not accepted it, I would have gone into depression. But once I accepted myself as I am I have become happy.

        I try to be vocal about our lifestyle as much as I can at safe places and forums like these. In my journey of acceptance, I have met many people (counsellings/ online/ real life) and have done good amount of research by reading about evolution, history, human behavior. It appears that just like Gays, Lesbians, Trans-genders existence throughout the human history and in different cultures and societies; wife sharing was part of it too. In fact ancient and historical societies were more accepting of such categories of people and various sexual orientation. Our own ancient Indian culture had many accounts on wife sharing. Kamasutra had stated it as accepting behavior.

        But I am not here to trigger debate wars and try to convince others on my views. Just here to share our experience with like minded people and still be part of good society that we are.



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