Are both of you unable to stop arguing when you get into an argument?

Arguments, heated or otherwise, are bound to take place in any kind of relationship. For couples, jealousy, communication gap, in-laws, shopping, decisions about children, money, and sex lives are common triggers in discussions that can get out of control. Even seemingly simple things like wrong use of a word or a sarcastic remark can set off a partner. Couples handle such situations in different ways. But we have a real problem when both parties just can't stop outdoing each other. Arguments run into hours and days. Some couples, especially the first time, find it frightening that they can't seem to stop shouting at each other, and what it indicates about their new or old relationship. Is there a way out? Can some steps be taken? Let's discuss. 

2 replies
Rohit Karir
June 7, 2017


  1. This is a really important discussion. Arguments are necessary, indeed. But it should be a healthy argument where we learn from each other and get to know each other's point of views. If we just keep our ego right in front of us and don't understand each other's views then it's of no use. *p**p*And, we shouldn't argue because we want to prove the other person wrong. This ruins everything beyond repair. We should just argue because we know that something positive will come out of it and we'll move ahead from there.*p*

  2. Yes, Ayesha, that's how it should play out. But how to deal with frequent or chronic spiraling arguments – as there's always the risk of violence or extreme steps? I am referring to cases of extreme argumentation.*p**p*Clearly, in such cases, there's a breakdown of personality, and expression of conscious and unconscious unsolved problems emoted through guilt, insecurity, and fear. If this were not so, at least one party would take it easy. It also indicates a certain collapse in interest to keep the relationship going. *p**p*Nevertheless, for all cases, there's at least one go to – very clearly state what are the most important areas for you, and acknowledge and state what's important for your partner from the early days of the relationship or even at the beginning of an argument. This way, at least, there's less chance of confrontation on what's most dear to you – making you less fearful and more accommodating at the start of an argument. *p**p*Keeping the ego aside is impossible, but not playing with it is possible. Therefore, taking and discussing action is more important than words. *p*

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